The Dilemma Update

Many of you have read my post The First Dilemm Of The New Year and I thank you for that.  Some have asked for the outcome of what my decision was.  And for that matter, what my decision was.

So to recap briefly:

I saw someone at work steal.  As plain as I can put it.  Then I saw another person become a part of the stealing.

I have a strong ethical background in business and life.  I cannot let something like that go.  I don’t care if it’s my business or someone else’s.  I’m not a goodie two shoes but I was raised with right and wrong.  Stealing = wrong!  It doesn’t matter if it’s 5 cents, a pack of gum, or a car…..taking something that is not your property is not right.

So here I am with all of what I just witnessed weighing on my mind.  I did tell my supervisor the next day I was at work.  She was a bit taken back but not fully surprised that it happened.  Nothing could be done without proof though.  As the days passed I found out that others knew of this person stealing.  It has been going on for years!  No one ever said anything.  This had to stop.  I told the manager of my department what I saw.  I was told to get proof that this was happening.  Lucky for me my intelligent phone has a camera.  So the next few times I saw the items being staged for take-away I took pictures of them.  I even followed the person to see if they paid for them.  Sometimes the answer was no.  And other things were taken during the journey to the break room.

I along with a few other employees presented this information to our manager……..it fell on deaf eyes and blind ears.

I couldn’t believe this and neither could the other employees.  Here we decided to stick up for this manager and he didn’t seem to care.

I still had the right/wrong thing pinging in my head.  So we took this to the Store Director (above the store manager).  If anyone would care, she would…..right?

NOPE!

Mind Blown………Frustration continues.

The End

I Think I’m Engaged To A TSA Agent Now!

Howdy Ho Peeps!  So yesterday was Sunday, right?  I have completely lost track of days.  I know!  My wife has only been gone for 1 day and I have already fallen apart.  Go figure….. Just don’t tell her.

Anyway, as some of you may have read in my last post, my wife is now in UncleSamAStan for a whole year.  I always hate saying goodbye..especially when it’s to the Mrs.  And in a highly public place like the airport.  It’s bad enough I had my Robo Cop boot on hobbling around, she was also in uniform, which is always good for a few stares.

This will make her third deployment.  She just got home from her last one a few months ago.  I don’t think either one of us were truly ready for this one but it is one of those things that just isn’t controllable.   I don’t even think we were really reintegrated yet from her coming home 5 months ago either.  And to make things even more annoying, our 14th anniversary is tomorrow.  I would say this is one of the things you get used to happening when you’re a military spouse, all the missing of special days that is.

Enough of the sappy sobby crap…..I have a funny story to tell you!  Well, funny to me cause I was there and because it happened to me.  So on to the true and funny blog fodder.

The day is Sunday, early morning.  I laid in my bed eagerly awaiting for my phone alarm to completely wake me up.  This was an exciting and sad day.  Today was my first day back to work after gaining the official knowledge of my ankle being broken.  Oh yeah, and my wife was deploying.  The car was packed with her 20 duffel bags weighing about 70 pounds each filled with only “essential” items, of course.

We had plans to leave early enough to fit in a sit down breakfast somewhere before the trek out to the airport.  I had the idea of going to Ihop.  Why not keep her fat and happy while I can before she is subjected to the indigenous Peoples of Afghanistan that work in the DFAC (Dining Facility) spit in her food.  The Ihop experience was also going to count as our anniversary celebration (we don’t go out a lot, we are old and boring).

Breakfast was awesome and fattening!  Now on to the airport.  The 45 min drive was less than exciting.  It usually is.  The time was spent doing a mental check of the packing list of her bags.  All was there….we hoped.

Surprisingly, parking was super easy to find.  We had the spot right by the beginning of the cross walk to the terminal.  Jackpot!  Well at least for the cripple in me.  The gentleman I am dragged the heavier of the bags while I allowed the Mrs. to drag the light gun case in so she could say she had total control of it from receipt to delivery.  You know, don’t mess with TSA!

The baggage check-in was fairly short and the lady behind the counter seemed to have a head on her shoulders.  She was on the ball and helped as much as she could to speed up our process.  We then dragged the bags over to the big gorilla TSA agents to scan her bags.  We had to wait for a “special” check on her gun case.  I was waiting for the genius to say there was gunpowder residue on the case…….(que Final Jeopardy song)

We got the thumbs up and we headed to the nearest seats to kill some time before the Mrs. had to fight through the security lines.  We were sitting there for maybe 10 min and this customer service agent from Southwest Airlines came over to us.  She could tell the Mrs. was a bit teary and asked if she was coming or going.  I/she said she was on her way out for a year.  The lady asked to see my ID card and she would be right back.

That awesome lady gave me a “fake” ticket to walk my wife to her gate so I could spend as much time with her as I could!  You can cry now if you so choose.

I was like, crap, now I have to stick around longer?  I was hoping to drop and dash….I gots things to do!  Thanks for nothin lady..

No, not really!  I was grateful but not enough to remember the lady’s name.  That was pretty much the last thing on my mind.

So we proceeded to the priority security line….yeah, that’s how I roll.  Unfortunately that still led us to the same lines with the people who have 10 out-of-control kids.  Take your damn shoes off Joey!!!  I was about to throw the damn kid in the x-ray machine myself if he didn’t take those freakin shoes off!

OK, so here is the funny part of my story.  No pressure but feel free to laugh at your leisure.

So, the St. Louis airport makes you basically take all of your clothes off to go through security.  Which for me is not usually a problem.  But I happen to be going commando and I had on some super big waisted shorts only being held up by the belt that I now had to take off!

OK, so to explain the shorts…. I haven’t worn shorts out in public in years because of the grotesqueness of my legs.  And since my leg surgeries I have to wear those knee-high compression socks. Long black compression socks and shorts don’t go together.  So I haven’t had a need to buy new shorts in years except for the stuff I wear to workout in.  These specific shorts I happened to grab to wear this fine day were 40 inch waist and I now wear 36 waist.  Can you see where I’m goin with this yet????

I was like, ummmmmmmm, I’m not sure this is gonna work hun.  I wasn’t about to not go through though.  I’m sure I was at the point of no return in the security process to try and backtrack without looking like a terrorist.  So I pressed on.  Off with the boot…off with the shoe….and for the sneak peek exclusive viewing of a clip from the movie Magic Mike…….off with the belt!

Yeah, picture me standing there waiting in line with one hand holding my shorts up and the other holding my wallet and ticket.

St. Louis has those special see through your clothes machines now.  If you have not been through one of these…HA!  They not only get to see the outline of your body, they make you stand there like and idiot with BOTH hands held above your head!  Did I mention I had to use one hand to hold my shorts up?  Did I mention security makes you put BOTH hands above your head?  I think we are all on the same page now.

So I had to quickly figure out how the hell I was going to keep my shorts up while following procedure.  I looked at the TSA guy and said if I put both hands up, you probably won’t need the machine to see I am not hiding anything.  He kinda looked confused.  Then I leaned toward him and told him my predicament.  He said do my best but with BOTH hands in the air.  OK my brother!  Things are about to get real up in here…. One hand goes up.  I look back over at him.  No help there.  I try to tug my shorts up as high as possible and get in a ballet plie stance and quickly raise my other hand.  I said OK go!!!  5 seconds pass and my shorts start sliding…..10 seconds pass and they slide just a bit more.  20 seconds now and I’m reaching critical stage here……30 seconds now and I think they are just messin with me cause here comes some crack!  “OK sir you are good.  Now stand at the end of the carpet and wait.”  Whaa????

Yeah, they wanted to mess with Big Mike just a little more.  I had no idea what was going on.  Then it dawned on me….I was the lucky randomly selected individual to get the PAT DOWN!  So I walk to the end of the carpet and there stands this female TSA agent.  I was like hell yeah!  Can I get your number?  Then as I finished that thought the same dude from the body scanner came over and relived the girl so he could do the prostate exam.  This dude just won’t cut me a break!  I think he just wanted to see if what he saw on the scan was true 🙂

So he says to hold my arms out shoulder height.  I looked at him and said didn’t we just go over this situation back at the scan?  He was like, oh.  I said whatever and gave him a shoulder shrug.  I proceeded to say, well don’t be surprised if you see I am nuts over you when you are feeling my knee. 🙂  He then allowed me to hold the opposite side of my shorts that he wasn’t patting down to ensure he didn’t get poked in the eye on his way back up.  I swear he was purposely tugging down on my shorts to see if I was lying.  He also got really “frisky” with his pat down.  I didn’t mind.  That was the last action I was gonna see for a year!

Well, I survived my first scan and pat down from TSA.

The really odd thing though, when I got home, I found a guys name and phone number written on a piece of paper in my pocket.?.?

The Funnier Side of Dinosaurs

What’s a day without a laugh, right?  For me it’s like a day without a workout.  I’m still down about not being able to continue “my” workout regiment.  So I thought there has to be someone else in the world that has it worse than me right now.

Then it hit me……

Why not make fun of something that can’t fight back?

So here we go!

Reasons Why Not To Date a T-Rex

Personality

He really doesn’t have one.  I mean, come on….listen to his ice breaker jokes!

 

 

Social Life

It’s virtually non-existent.  It’s all because he’s not adaptable to today’s technology.

 

Talent

Ha!  He has none!  Seriously, His arms aren’t even long enough to scratch his own ass.

And his singing is absolutely horrible!  Catchy but horrible!  Why is he so nasally?

Physique

Do I really need to say much about this.  This dude doesn’t even have balance to stand without a tail!  But seriously, he doesn’t have a good workout routine.

Dietary Habits

This guy has no willpower.  Bingeing all day, his cholesterol has to be off the charts!

He Had a Rough Childhood

I do feel sorry for him somewhat.  All of the cavemen used to laugh and call him names.  They wouldn’t even let him play any cavemen games.  I mean, why even include him.  Can you see him try playing Head Shoulders Knees & Toes?

Personal Time

This poor guy has issues beyond issues.  But he does make me laugh (not because of his jokes though)

So, hopefully I convinced you that T-Rex is the wrong guy for you.  Which I’m pretty sure I have.

I also hope you have taken something else away from this post.  A good laugh…

There is always someone who has it worse than you.  So if you’re down….Cheer up and think about poor T-Rex!

Got Something On My Mind

This is not one of my normal funny ha ha type posts.  I can’t sleep right now cause I have this sadness weighing on me.  So you already know I had today off from work.  Which means I have my honey-do list a mile long that includes cutting the grass.

Ugh!  The lawn…..I just need to stop cutting the grass.  Nothing good ever happens to me when I cut the grass.  Many of you read the dog poop incident.  This time it wasn’t so funny.  The sad day began from the word go this morning.

It was about 7AM and my wife lets the dogs in the bed all nice and wet because its pouring outside.  She pokes at me a few times and said that the one dog had a mouse or mole in it’s mouth.  She was all upset that the dog killed another animal.  I felt kinda bad as well.  But I was asleep and didn’t fully comprehend the whole situation.

I guess the killing occurred in the back yard.  My two Jack Russell Terriers love to hunt for small critters.  It’s what they are bred to do.  She has already seen them romping around with already dead things in their mouth.  It was eventually going to happen that my wife was going to witness a kill.  So the whole day my one dog was prancing around all proud with his chest puffed out as if he was some bad ass.

Anyway, since I was so rudely woken, I decided to jump on the cutting of the grass since it was supposed to start raining again soon.  First things first though.  My wife said the boys didn’t do their “business” yet since she did her blood curdling scream to get them back inside after the hunt and kill.  So I decided to let them do their thing since I was going to be outside forever cutting the football field.

I opened the door and out pop the two killers to pee.  Then I spotted it!

There has been a nest of finches behind our DirecTv dish for about 4 months now.  And I guess the baby hatched and was ready to leave the nest cause there he was hopping in the tall grass with a target painted on his back.  Luckily the two blood thirsty hounds didn’t really spot it.  So I quickly got their attention by offering them some already dead foul, chicken jerky.  They ran inside like I just said Kim Kardashian’s dog just posted another X-rated YouTube video.

So I locked the horny bastards inside and proceed to check out the baby bird myself.  He was pretty darn cute if I may be so bold.  I talked to the little guy and coaxed him to fly away.  If not, my dogs would sure get him if not them then the neighbor’s cat would have a good snack.  He froze in the grass and his little chest was beating like crazy.  He chirped a few times as if he was calling for mommy and daddy.  I decided to leave it alone and cut the front yard.

I knew from the first row I cut that it was going to be a bad day.  One of the back wheels lost it’s locking nut and rolled off down the hill.  RUFKM!!!  Seriously!!  I spent the next 20 min looking for the damn nut in the high grass.  Of course it had to be black and hidden in the shade of the fence.  I must have stepped on that damn thing a few times before I saw it.

Tire fixed and sweating like a beast, I was about done with the front.  Homestretch!  Yup, here it comes……

I think I will have nightmares of this poor little bird.  I tried so hard to protect it from the killer dogs today.  I allowed it’s family to live on my satellite dish rent free for 4 months.  Why today of all the days did he decide to try and fly?  I will spare you the details of the carnage but yes I ran the birdy over with the lawnmower.  I never even saw it!  He had hopped a good distance from where I left him in the back yard.  In my wildest dreams I would never have guessed he would be on the other side of the fence.  I immediately got sick to my stomach.  I think I even cried a little for him.  It was more of a man cry though, more sniffle than tear.

I keep replaying it over and over in my head.  What could I have done?  He too was in the shadow of the fence in the tall grass.  I am still sick to my stomach about what happened.  I don’t like killing things.  I’m more of a live and let live kinda guy.  I will defend what I have to when I have to but will not engage in senseless stuff like mowing down little animals on purpose.

I’m not sure what to do about the situation.  I feel so bad about what I did.  I feel as if I owe the mommy and daddy bird reparation.  I think I might just build them a bird house but I would need the go ahead nod from the wife first.  I might just be setting up the birds for another heart breaking loss in the killing fields I call a yard.

Rest In Peace little birdy

Rest In Peace little mouse/mole

Fitness, Reality and Random Crap

So it has been a while since I have written.  I know…you miss me!  But you can follow me on Twitter or on Facebook on either my fan page or my personal page.  I’m a nice guy, lets be friends 🙂

A lot has been going on since I wrote my last post Debate of The Week #7.  It has been almost 2 weeks for heaven’s sake!

Today is my first day off for the week.  It is kind of like a double edge sword.  I still can’t believe I get to say I have a day off but then my days off are fairly random and usually in the middle of the week, which sucks.  But it is nice to be able to say that my ogre of a boss finally gave me a day off.  Not that my boss is an ogre nor my boss for that matter, she is my supervisor, which is not a boss but a person that supervises my work.  I still don’t know who the boss is nor does it matter.  I’m not that important cog in the commissary process, so I will probably never need to know.  I am just the face of the store for the customers as they pay for their items and finalize their shopping experience.  So I’m not that important…..

Work is fun and interesting but can be a back breaker at times.  It is nice to be noticed by my supervisor for my exemplary work ethic by moving me to the busiest registers during the day to keep the cattle moving through with a smile.  The bad thing about it is that the other employees resent me a little because I always have a smile and seem to enjoy the job.  Just yesterday I was asked by, lets call him “The Grumpy Old Man,” if my niceness and cheery attitude toward customers was real or an act.  It is obvious he can’t tell the difference since he hasn’t had a real feeling in years and wouldn’t know how to show it.  He is the most gruff person I have ever met.  I can barely tell if he is asking questions or making statements to customers.  Everything he says is in the same tone and with no feeling.  I think I made him smile yesterday though.  It was either that or he had gas.

So yesterday I got to sleep in a little.  Which was nice.  8AM seems like I’m sleeping till noon now.  It’s crazy!  I had 2 hours before I had to leave for work so I read a few of my favorite WordPressers and made a few comments.

One of them being, Stephanie @ My glorified Journal. She has been pretty motivating in her posts.  If you haven’t been following her you should be.  Let me fill you in if you haven’t.  She is taking on two challenges in her life right now.  Her one goal is to compete in a body building/fitness posing competition.  She is rapidly closing in on that day and well on her way to probably becoming a fitness model.  Her second goal is to become the next female face of Under Armour.  She entered into that competition a few weeks ago and asks her followers for some ideas to complete the UA tasks.  Anyway I was pretty motivated by all she is doing I decided to try and do a little workout myself before work.  By the time I got to workout I felt I only had time to pump out a few hundred pushups/shower/shave and dress for work.

It all turned for the worse in a flash of a second after I left for work.

A little back-fill: I have this thing about being super early for things.  I think it is a nervous mental thing I have but I just need to be early for everything I do or my stomach gets all knotted up and I get sick.  Weird, I know!

So I had a few extra minutes before I left for work but wanted to get there early anyway.  Hey, you never know what traffic could be like (I only live 2 miles away from the base).  Anyway, I am sitting at the last red light before being on the main drag for the base main gate.  There is me on my side of the light and two cars in the oncoming light, one was in the turning lane but didn’t have their turn signal on.  that should have been my first clue of this person being a dumbass.

The light turns green and I take off……and so does everyone else!!!!!  The dumbass, in the oncoming turning lane, tries to make a left hand turn into me, head on!  WTF!!!!  Lucky for me my Mazda 3 and I are one with reflexes and responsiveness in our evasive maneuvers.  The dumbass just misses the front end of my car with not as much as a tap of the brake by them.  I saw it was some old lady realizing her mistake by grasping her mouth with one hand and punching the gas to make sure her car is going much faster than mine in order to pulverize me, if she hit me.  Probably so she can go on in her own miserable life and leave me rotting in the intersection.

Really?  I mean, REALLY?  She was probably texting……

So out of this whole experience I learned that I should have taken 5 more minutes to do some situps or something and not worried about being so early for work that I make barely any money at.

But as I was walking into the building I witnessed something pretty profound.  All along the side of the building there are flowers and roses and other smelly pollen makers blooming.  This lady just stops on the side walk and bends over to smell a few of the different flowers.  My whole attitude changed from heart pounding rage to realizing that what could have happened to me, didn’t happen, and I should maybe slow down a bit and smell the roses for myself.  So the rest of the day I tried my hardest to be the nicest person anyone would meet that day.  I also picked up some Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream for my wife to show I was thinking of her.

Everything is better after ice cream!

The Best Push Up You’ll Ever Do

Do you think you are mentally tough?  How about physically able to do anything?  I bet you think you have the stamina to keep up with me.

So you think you are a tough guy, huh?  Well let’s see you do one push up.  Yeah that’s right, do one, I dare you.  Can you feel the pain?  Do you think you can do another?  Whoa there partner.  Let’s not get to ahead of yourself.  You have proven yourself physically able to do one.  Before you do another I want you to remember what that first push up was like.  Did you feel the pain?  Where did you feel it, your arms?  Maybe a little tingling running down the front of your head to your shoulders?  Did you enjoy yourself?

OK, so now you tried your first push up.  Let’s try a push up with one hand.  Ah, a little harder isn’t it?  You aren’t as tough as you thought you were.  You need more flexibility and some dexterity with just one side.  Huh, I thought you said you were tough?  Don’t give up now.  You’re almost there.  Just a little more…..

Alright, alright, STOP!  Before you hurt yourself.  I guess I should have told you how to do it.  Put your hand in front of your body and position it so that you have stability but yet the right amount of strength.  So you can’t use your hand like in the two handed push up, right?  So here is the trick.  Keep your fingers spread out and cover as much ground as you can.  Dive in face first a little.  There is no shame if your nose touches.  Get dirty, son!  But keep your back straight!  We need to avoid injury.

Oh yeah!  Now you’re feeling it!  Here we go.  The last challenge.  Can you keep up with me?  I will even let you do the push up however you want.  Here is where we separate the men from the boys.  I want you to really feel the burn.  This is part mental and part stamina.  Do your best.  First person to do 2 more push ups wins.

Ready….Set…..Go!

Oh wow!  I think I won.  But I can’t quite see straight.  I’m on a little bit of a sugar high right now.  I need to wash the orange sticky goo off my face and fingers.  Nothing like the taste of that orange flavor and the brain freeze that follows.  Wait!  Whaaa?  I was talking about the frozen orange treat from the Good Humor Man.  You know, Push-Ups.  What did you think I was talking about, exercise?

The Mouth vs. Nose Breather

It’s time for a little writing therapy.  Sorry for not posting anything for a bit but my wife finally returned from her deployment.  I figured my time was better spent with her than writing.  Not that I don’t appreciate my readers.  But I have to live with my wife! 🙂 So on with my therapy.

The mouth vs nose breather is all about the differences in people.  My wife mentioned to me that I was not snoring the past few nights because I seemed to be breathing differently when I sleep.  Well, thank you for noticing.  Your snoring has been keeping me awake so I couldn’t fall asleep to snore. 🙂 But I have been consciously trying to fall asleep with my mouth closed the past few nights because that seems to lower my chances of snoring which creates a chain reaction of hits and pushes from the wife about shutting up.  But snoring is not really what I’m talking about here.

I want to share a little more of what Bio-parents did to me to distort my view on the world.  When I was little, I don’t know what age but young enough to believe their ridiculousness.  My parents told me that poor people would breathe through their nose when they sleep and rich people would breathe through their mouth.  Yeah right!  So I needed to see if this was true.  Remember how I told you that I spent a lot of my life at my grandparents, well, I would be there when my cousins of my fairly well off uncle were there.  We would all sleep in the same room.  This was the perfect time to test out my bio-parent’s theory.  Low and behold they were right.  They would breathe through their mouths when they slept!  Those SOBs, how dare they!  LOL!  I was a stupid kid, wasn’t I?  To actually believe that money made people breathe differently.

Needless to say I spent the next few years breathing with my mouth closed to meet the requirements of my family’s economic background.  I think it was around the time I began to grow my own brain and rebel from bio-parents that I started to realize they were full of crap.  To think that someone’s comments made me feel a certain way towards another person.  For years I despised my cousins all because they would breathe a certain way.  Look at them flaunting their richness at me by breathing through their mouths.  Well, thankfully I now know better and found out that people are just different.  And thankfully I now have a good relationship with all of my cousins.

So feel open to breathe anyway you want to around me.  I won’t judge…..I promise!