Real Men Shave Their Legs…..or So I Thought

So today I had a day off of work.  What a needed break.  LOL!  If you don’t remember I just had a 3 day weekend not too long ago.  But hey, who am I to complain?  Since I have been going hard with exercise I decided to take today off completely and let the body relax.  Plus it was wicked hot out and the wind is blowing like a hurricane.  That combination of weather makes running or biking unfun.  Yeah, I just made up a new word.  Add that to your Webster’s Dictionary and put it right beside google, bling and getting chocolate wasted.

Like this but different 🙂

I decided to make good use of my time off.  I ran some errands to include grocery shopping….at my place of work.  I know, I know.  Why would I do that?  But the prices are the best around and it’s so darn close to my house.  That and all day yesterday at work people were buying some awesome looking veggies and fruit.  I wanted some!  I had to pass on the $7 a pound cherries but grabbed some nice looking Macintosh apples for mid day snack.  We have this really great pepper in the store called the Hunky Hot.  It is basically a really long pepperoncini.

Speaking of Hunky Hots…. 🙂   Great segway if you ask me…

I read an article online today about body grooming.  I thought the article was funny.  Only because someone is trying to tell me whether or not it was OK for me to shave my legs or if I shaved my arms I needed to shave my shoulders and back too!  Who is this person to tell me what to do?

Now before I share what was really in the article, I have learned that there is a secret to body grooming for both male and female.  The secret is….you don’t tell anyone you do it or it will seem weird!  Or in my world; funny, good blog material and a true story!

I think I have already told you that I am a cross between an ape and Robin Williams when it comes to hair coverage.  I don’t know why.  It could be because I ignored and tempted fate on all the old wive’s tales about stuff like that when I was little.

  • I ate the crust on bread but never got curly hair.
  • I stepped (jumped really hard) on every single crack in the sidewalk and still never broke my mother’s back.
  • My face never stayed in the funny face position.  Well, that one may have come true…..
  • And when I found out about my sexual ability, I never went blind! 🙂

OK enough about me….time for the article review!

Do — Trim armpit hair  /  Don’t — Shave armpits bare

If his head looks like this..Imagine what his armpits look like!

Their take: Short armpit hair is good unless you’re a model and you will sweat less…

My take: They start the damn article off with a lie!  Less hair does not = less sweat.  It does however mean less stink!  I want equal rights too!  Who made models so special?

Do — Groom chest hair  /  Don’t — Go Brazilian or bare everywhere

Good use of manscaping but Hugh, you still don’t have anything on me buddy!

Their take: Some hair on the chest is good for finger running but not wooly mammoth length. But no hair is OK too.

My take:  Will ya make up your mind, please?  Some, a little, none but not all.  WTH!  And since when did the Brazilians get the corner of the market on being hairless?  Didn’t the Mexican Hairless dog start the trend?  Either way, I’m not so sure if I want to follow the ideas of a country that only has cocaine and being hairless going for them.

Do — Get rid of shoulder and back hair

And NO! This is not me!

Their take:  It’s unsightly at best!  Get rid of it all!

My take:  OK, I can see how it could be gross.  Especially in the throws of passion, to grab a hand full of soggy back hair…LOL!  I’m glad I’m not a woman….I’m also waiting for the cops to knock on my door to warn me to stop walking in front of our windows with my shirt off.  You’re scaring the children, sir!!!  Look mommy!  Sasquatch!  EEEEKK!

Do — Keep it trimmed down there  /  Don’t — Shave patterns

Their take:  A clean playing field is good to go!

Again NO! This is not me!

My take:  I get it.  A clean field is gtg for me too.  The twig and berries will look bigger and cleaner with less shrubbery.  But look, I believe in keeping a good appearance but if I want to shave an arrow pointing down at my Mr. Happy…I’ll do it!

So what’s my total take on Manscaping?  It’s great but don’t take it to extremes, I guess.  The word is also way too close to sounding like a chore.  And my honey-do list is long enough, if you know what I mean…wink! wink!

Now go away!  I need some privacy……..I’m Manscaping!

Super Healthy Weekend, Finished!

WOW!

That’s what I really have to say about this experience.  I have never, never gone low carb/carb free for this long.  I know, I know.  It was only 3 days.  But if you consider all the foods we consume that have carbs, it really limits the average diet.  It certainly has made me rethink what I eat and what I should be eating.

I have to be honest.  I thought I would be sprawled out on the ground passed out or in a ball crying for carbs after the first day.  There is so much satisfaction in eating “clean” food.  I felt good after each meal, I was starving prior to each meal and probably wouldn’t have cared if it was veggies or a skunk.  But I never felt weighed down after a meal.  It energized me to move on to the next activity; which, I believe should be our main reason why we eat.

Did I want carbs?  Ummm, maybe.  Probably for the reason that I wanted a change from eating egg whites.  But I had egg whites for breakfast almost every day during my first go around with P90X.  It also might have been because I had some English Muffins staring at me from the pantry.  And I have a jar of all natural strawberry jam in the fridge that happened to maneuver itself by the carton of egg whites.

So what did I do on my last day of Super Healthiness?

I started the day by doing some basic cleaning around the house.  Then took the dogs for a walk on base.  I came home and washed clothes (amazing how much you go through when you workout 3 times a day) cooled off and ate breakfast, which was my version of a southern omelet minus the bacon again.  I finished my laundry and made my bed.  My back was a bit tight so I decided to do some negative pullups to see if that would stretch it out a bit then moved to child pose to get a good stretch.  Lunch came and gone, again with a fist full of turkey and some left over broccoli.

I was holding off on any other outdoor routine because clouds rolled in but,SMH, no rain.  So I did P90X core synergistics then went for a run around 4:30ish, braving the chance of rain.  There is a few more Tumbler videos for my day’s excursions HERE.  My run pretty much took the rest of my energy.  I figured I would push and go till I was about to drop.  It was my last exercise afterall.  I almost stopped twice on the hill I have now nicknamed, “My Beotch!”(no offense meant to the lovely ladies that read my blog)  I ended up doing just under 5 miles.

So, will I ever do this again?  Hell yeah!  I plan on doing something like this every week from here on out.  For example, I don’t work until 3 tomorrow so I will go for another 30 some mile training ride and possibly a run….that might be after work.  But I do plan on having steel cut oats for breakfast!  I will have to pick the weekends to go no carb or maybe whatever my 2 days off are during the week.  If I plan right I can go grocery shopping and prep my favorite stuffed peppers for my no carb days. 🙂

Anyone have any good recipes?

Super Healthy Weekend Update #2

So here it is, Sunday, and I’m almost done with my little super healthy weekend experiment.

On Saturday I did a 4 mile  run in super hot conditions which sucked. It was supposed to be cooler but we all know how dependable weather reports are. SMH!  But it was a really good run.  I took on some big hills (and who likes hills?) and was stalked by a loose dog.  I have a video of it but for the life of me I can’t get it to upload to Tumblr. But I do have other videos on there. Check them out here!

I made breakfast which consisted of my western omelet (liquid egg whites and pico de gallo).  I skipped the turkey bacon this time and just gave it to the puppies.  I have to use it up somehow.  After breakfast I cleaned up my bike from the day before and got the majority of Scott AFB bugs and junk off it, lube the chain and rinse off my helmet.

I had completely forgot that the base gym closes early on the weekends so my Johnny Jackson leg workout was going to have to wait till another day.  But no fear, I did do legs.  I first went out to fertilize “the football field” then came inside and continued my leg warm up with some plyometrics then did the leg routine from P90X.  I gave Tony Horton a run for his money.  Just like Hugh Jackman, Tony Horton has nothing on me!  Well, maybe they have a professional chef that cooks for them…..

Dinner consisted of my usual chicken and broccoli and my protein shake.  I finished off the day by watching a really stupid movie, Apollo 18.  Oh, yeah,  I did eat lunch….that was a hand full of turkey and string cheese.  Nothing special.

Again, I need to give a big thanks to Stephanie.  Following her journey has motivated me.

One thing that I’m learning by following Stephanie and her trainer Terry Stokes is that intensity is key to a great workout.  It’s all about pushing yourself to the next level.  Don’t just do it mentally, do it with the weights too!  And I am certainly doing that this weekend.  I’m not just going for a run or just a bike ride.  I’m focusing on technique, power output and speed.  I don’t just want to go through the motions, I want to GET IT with these exercises.  I haven’t felt this good in a long time.  There is something about being tired after a solid workout whether it be a run, bike ride or lifting session, it makes you crave more.  I can’t remember the last time I did 3 separate workouts in a day and wanted to do it all over again the next day.  Maybe I’m sick in the head but I like the feeling of success.

Anyway, I just mentioned two pretty cool peeps that you should be checking out now.

Now go out and find your feeling of success!

Until tomorrow……….

 

 

 

Super Healthy Weekend Update

OK peeps! So, if you read my last post you know I decided to go ultra healthy for my 3 day weekend. I figured it was safe to do it during my days off in case I get all cranky from no carbs and all this exercise.

Yesterday, Friday, I did a 3 1/2 mile run…can’t remember my time but I took it a little slow because I didn’t want to burn out on my first exercise of the day. After my run I made my favorite western omelet with a few healthy scoops of pico de gallo, liquid egg whites and fat free cheddar cheese. I also had a few strips of turkey bacon. Now you may be thinking, but Mike I thought you said carb free? I did and there is such an insignificant amount of carbs in egg substitute (approx 1 gram per cup). The same goes for the fat free cheese and the turkey bacon (both are about 2 grams per cup) and I didn’t have that much of it either.

So I gave myself an hour or so to recover from the run then set out for my first bike ride of the season. I’ll do pictures of my equipment in a different post but you can see me in my Tumblr video, Big Mike's World on Tumblr. I did a solid 36 or so miles in just over an hour. I know! First ride out I killed it. But to be 100% honest it was a really flat route but into the wind in all directions. I did have to stop for a train on my second lap which gave me a little recover time. I wanted to do more but it was scorching hot out and I ran out of water. That and I still had to conserve some energy to do my Arnold Schwarzenegger arm routine.

I came home and let the dogs out to play and chase some moles and their soccer balls while I scrubbed the earth off my body. It’s amazing how much dirt and bugs stick to ya after a bike ride. For lunch I had a hand full of sliced turkey and 2 sticks of string cheese. At this point I was toast so I laid in bed with my legs elevated to help flush the crap through my veins. I think I fell asleep for an hour but I can’t tell if it was sleep or just really relaxed.

I dragged my lazy butt out of bed, got my weights in order, and plugged my iPod in and cranked the angry music! Let me just say that Arnold’s arm routine looks simple on paper but when you hit the 5th set of each exercise you want to cry because the weight is trying to rip your arms off by then. I started the barbell sets off with 100 lbs and worked up to 125 and pretty much blew all my energy on those. The other exercises were with dumbbells. I ranged from 30 – 40 lbs through each exercise. I took a picture of myself after the workout and barely could hold my phone up to take the picture. That too is on my Tumbler.

Dinner consisted of chicken and broccoli and my protein shake. Yes! I know! The protein shake has carbs but it was a necessity to help in my recovery. I don’t count that anyway because it is a part of the workout routine.

So how do I feel today? Well of all the things that hurt, my arms, I thought it would have been my legs from all the use. But they feel great! My arms on the other hand……ugh! My one dog must have slept on my left arm all night because I could not feel it. But all in all they are a bit stiff and sore but nothing like a few pushups and a good run won’t cure…..ya right!

Speaking of a good run…….time for mine!

Later peps!

All Aboard for The Bad Decision Train

Let me start off with today.  I’m not really sure what is going on with me but I have been so tired and out of it.  I don’t seem to have any energy to get past work.  I have been working out before actually going to work but I’m pretty much stuporous.  I know!  That a pretty big word for someone who is as tired as me.

Anyway, today at 4pm started a long 3 day weekend for me.  I’m not sure how I got 3 days off in a row and on a weekend of all things.  But I have absolutely nothing to do for these 3 days.  I put out an APB on Twitter and Facebook for anyone wanting to do something while I’m off but to no avail.  I guess it goes to show how pathetic my social life is.  I don’t even have a softball game on Friday to pass an hour of my life away on.

So with the emptiness of all this time staring me in the face along with my unexplainable lethargy I caved and ordered a pizza for dinner.  I figured I might as well throw a little pity party for myself.  I knew it was a huge mistake right after I hit enter.  I even thought of just not going to pick it up because I knew it was such a bad mistake.

I couldn’t bear knowing I wasted the money on a pizza and not even pick it up.  So I yelled, “To The Batmobile!”  And my two Jack Russell Terriers, Moose and Kenai, ran to the car to go for a ride.  I guess my mistake got us out of the house for a bit.  We got back and I fed them pizza crust and of course they loved every crumb.  I choked down 1 piece and regretted every chew.

Yeah, I just made one big cookie

It doesn’t stop there.  I felt so horrible for even getting the pizza I ate some cookies after.  I know!  Stop it Mike!!!!  I guess it goes to show that once you make one bad decision more follow. Now I didn’t just open a bag of store bought cookies I had stored in the pantry.  Nope!  I went all out and made some from scratch.  I just couldn’t stop.  I swear I was outside of my body just watching the fat kid inside me do all these things and I couldn’t hold him back.  I should have just made some granola bars or something better.  But since the wife is not home I figured why not use her chocolate chips, she doesn’t need them right now…..Ugh!

I even started the day off so well too.  I woke up early and let the dogs out to play with their soccer balls while I went for a run.  I had steel cut oats with a splash of milk and some cinnamon, nutmeg and allspice when I came back.  I had a few slices of turkey and my protein shake for lunch with big plans of doing a great weight routine when I got home from work.

I also left for work 15 minutes early and sat outside to soak in some vitamin D.  I guess that is where my day went down hill.  I was sitting by a few of my co-workers that were also waiting outside before starting their day.  I knew I should have just kept on walking to a different spot but I didn’t want to be rude and snub them.  But the whole time I sat there they were all complaining about how much they hate people, work, school, life, and blah blah blah.  So negative…..

So I have a plan!

I will take up all that empty time staring me in the face and use it to my advantage.

Friday:

Run – 3 to 5 miles……we’ll see how hot it is before I make up my mind

Bike – plan is to do 20 – 30 miles around the base flightline

Work on the glamor muscles – Found Arnold’s old arm routine and will give it a shot: Here it is

Standing Barbell Curls
5-8 sets of 8-12 cheating reps

Incline Dumbbell Curls
5-8 sets of 8-12 reps

Concentration Curls
5 sets of 10 reps

Alternating Dumbbell Curls
5 sets of 10 reps

And if I can still feel my arms I will do pullups as well

Saturday:

Run – 3 to 5 miles

Let the butt recover, no bike

Fertilize the yard, better known as “the football field”

Leg Routine – Compliments of Johnny O Jackson

Leg Extensions
Sets 1-4: 25-30 reps
Set 5: (drop set) 25 reps each

Free Standing Squats
Sets 1-3: 25-30 reps
Set 4-5: (drop set) 25 reps each

Incline Leg Press
Sets 1-2: 25-35 reps
Set 3: 60 reps

Smith Machine Lunges
3 sets of 10-15 reps

Lying Leg Curl
Sets 1-3: 10-15 reps
Set 4: (triple drop set) 10-15 reps

Sunday

After 2 days of heavy lifting I think I will need to pull it back a bit

P90X Core Synergistics and maybe Cardio X

Walk the dogs

Do Laundry

Pre cook and prep some meals for the week

AND in dedication to one of our own from the Blogosphere:

Stephanie @ My Glorified Journal

I will go carb free to honor her accomplishment of making it to and through her first figure competition.  If you are in some need of any kind of motivation to get fit, you need to just read or watch one of her posts.  I guarantee you will feel her intensity and see the results of her dedication to her goal.  Good Luck Stephanie and we look forward to hearing what it was like to be on the big stage.

Ok peeps….do something constructive this weekend and be safe.

That is all

Debate of The Week #8

It must be Friday because it’s time to drop your socks and grab your tux again for Big Mike’s Debate of the Week!

Again, Sorry I haven’t been writing but I am catching up with the mixing life, honey-do lists and a job.  To recap the last Debate of the week I asked you what was better to do in order to get clean, a bath or shower?

I think the comments spoke for themselves.  The shower was unanimous!  But some of you did state that a bath is much better for a relaxing soak for the aches and pains that haunt our aging bodies.  I would also like to give an honorable mention to body sprays as a suggestion as well.  Puke!!!!  I remember the first time I ever witnessed a guy, who I played softball with, spray his entire body down with some concoction that was close to the smell of a mixture of fresh cut wood, an expired baby diaper and old woman’s perfume.  Worst thing ever!!!  Not sure why he just didn’t take a shower….

Anyway that was probably our most popular debate yet!  Thank you everyone for participating!

Now on to this weeks DEBATE OF THE WEEK!

I’ve dug deep into my bag of topics for this week.  And I think this will shake things up a bit for you all.

Most of you are experiencing some great weather around the world.  Tis the season to get out and enjoy the sun.  With great weather comes outside activities along with romping in the grass like little kids playing ring around the rosie.

This week I want to debate about sports.  Why not?  I’m back on the field myself and am in the mood to talk some sports.  But wait!  Don’t click that red box with the white X just yet, you sports haters.  You haven’t heard the sports yet…..

Let’s discuss Thumb Wrestling (TW) vs Rock Paper Scissors (RPS).

I think I need to first defend whether or not these are even sports.  I say yes and because of this reason alone…..They have governing bodies that oversee each sport.  Don’t believe me?  Google it!  Thumb wrestling has the Thumb Wrestling Federation and its president is Newt Knuckle.  Still don’t believe me?  I just finished reading all about it on a Wiki post on the internet.  If it’s on the internet, it must be true!

How about Rock Paper Scissors?  This is even more legit because there is a World Series of RPS.  But the main body that monitors leagues and tournaments is The World Rock Paper Scissors Society.  Don’t believe me again?  Google it!  I know how to do research and I did it!

When I was doing my “research” I saw so many ways I could go with my decision.  Each sport has it’s own attraction for me.  I grew up playing RPS on the school bus every morning on the way to school.  My buddy Dan and I got so into the game we created so many different weapons we had to write them down with the symbol that we created for the weapon.  I think we even created a gesture for a bomb that beat all but could only be used once a day.  I loved the bus ride in to school.  That is, until we made that turn into the unloading zone for school.  But for that 40 min before we reached that point I had no care in the world but what my buddy Dan was going to gesture next in our extended version of RPS.

I was never good at thumb wrestling when I was little.  Well the actual wrestling part that is, I’ll explain later.  I had small hands.  Which was only good for making things look larger than they really are… 🙂  I didn’t really have my growth spurt until my sophomore year in high school.  At that point I became a bit larger than everyone else.  Anyway, I did have a super power that did help stall the TW match until the school bell rang for change of class.  My super power was that I could dislocate my thumbs and cock them back so that they could not be reached.  I can also bend both of my thumbs backwards and touch my wrist……..Weird, I know!  I have autographed pictures of myself showing off my champion thumb.  If you want one, send me a SASE and I’ll ship one out to ya.

So now that you have a brief history of my association with these sports, and they are sports!  Hey!  If ESPN can advertise poker as a sport and broadcast it on their network I can sure as crap call these two time honored pass-times a sport on my blog!

It is now time for me to pick a sport and give you some of the pros and cons…

I am going with RPS!  At my age I am more into the non-contact sports.  That is, more of not holding another adults hand and playing thumbsies.  I also am more aware of the ability of contracting another’s cooties and getting swine flu, typhoid or whatever they may have lingering on their hands.

Probably the best thing about RPS in this day and age is that we can play the game in real time from across the world through video chat on a computer or our smart phones.  Yes, I know there are video games for both of these but there is nothing like the real thing.

With RPS the rules are pretty straight forward, my gesture either beats yours or not.  With TW there are so many technical aspects.  Did the person really do the 3 count legal before the start or did he jump the 3 count to get an unfair advantage?  I guess that is why there are sanctioned events with refs to figure that stuff out.

Oh and have you ever played TW with someone that has sharp nails?  It’s like playing with Freddie Kruger or Wolverine.  There has to be a rule against that…..I would think.

You aint got nothing on me Hugh Jackman!  If that is your real name.

And for you geeks out there, yes, I know Wolverine does not have a thingymabobber shooting out of his thumb.  It’s for effect and you just ruined it!

A side note: Did you all hear Hugh admit to doing a party pump before scenes like this pic so he could look all jacked for the camera?  Sorry Hugh, not all of us can naturally look like me.  But I guess you gotta do what ya gotta do.

So there you have it folks.  I picked Rock Paper Scissors over Thumb Wrestling.

How about you?

Which one do you prefer and why?

If you don’t care for either, do you have a similar game you enjoy? (and don’t say Jacks or Tiddly Winks that’s not similar)

And to round out your day, I give you some words of……..well, I guess wisdom:

Go to bed with an itchy bum, wake up with a stinky finger!

And finally I leave you with some thought provoking words:

When you say the word poop, your mouth makes the same shape as your butt hole does.  The same can be said for explosive diarrhea!

I bet you will try saying those words in slow motion too won’t ya? 🙂

As always, Thanks for reading!

Oh yeah, one last thing….this was my 50th post!

Got Something On My Mind

This is not one of my normal funny ha ha type posts.  I can’t sleep right now cause I have this sadness weighing on me.  So you already know I had today off from work.  Which means I have my honey-do list a mile long that includes cutting the grass.

Ugh!  The lawn…..I just need to stop cutting the grass.  Nothing good ever happens to me when I cut the grass.  Many of you read the dog poop incident.  This time it wasn’t so funny.  The sad day began from the word go this morning.

It was about 7AM and my wife lets the dogs in the bed all nice and wet because its pouring outside.  She pokes at me a few times and said that the one dog had a mouse or mole in it’s mouth.  She was all upset that the dog killed another animal.  I felt kinda bad as well.  But I was asleep and didn’t fully comprehend the whole situation.

I guess the killing occurred in the back yard.  My two Jack Russell Terriers love to hunt for small critters.  It’s what they are bred to do.  She has already seen them romping around with already dead things in their mouth.  It was eventually going to happen that my wife was going to witness a kill.  So the whole day my one dog was prancing around all proud with his chest puffed out as if he was some bad ass.

Anyway, since I was so rudely woken, I decided to jump on the cutting of the grass since it was supposed to start raining again soon.  First things first though.  My wife said the boys didn’t do their “business” yet since she did her blood curdling scream to get them back inside after the hunt and kill.  So I decided to let them do their thing since I was going to be outside forever cutting the football field.

I opened the door and out pop the two killers to pee.  Then I spotted it!

There has been a nest of finches behind our DirecTv dish for about 4 months now.  And I guess the baby hatched and was ready to leave the nest cause there he was hopping in the tall grass with a target painted on his back.  Luckily the two blood thirsty hounds didn’t really spot it.  So I quickly got their attention by offering them some already dead foul, chicken jerky.  They ran inside like I just said Kim Kardashian’s dog just posted another X-rated YouTube video.

So I locked the horny bastards inside and proceed to check out the baby bird myself.  He was pretty darn cute if I may be so bold.  I talked to the little guy and coaxed him to fly away.  If not, my dogs would sure get him if not them then the neighbor’s cat would have a good snack.  He froze in the grass and his little chest was beating like crazy.  He chirped a few times as if he was calling for mommy and daddy.  I decided to leave it alone and cut the front yard.

I knew from the first row I cut that it was going to be a bad day.  One of the back wheels lost it’s locking nut and rolled off down the hill.  RUFKM!!!  Seriously!!  I spent the next 20 min looking for the damn nut in the high grass.  Of course it had to be black and hidden in the shade of the fence.  I must have stepped on that damn thing a few times before I saw it.

Tire fixed and sweating like a beast, I was about done with the front.  Homestretch!  Yup, here it comes……

I think I will have nightmares of this poor little bird.  I tried so hard to protect it from the killer dogs today.  I allowed it’s family to live on my satellite dish rent free for 4 months.  Why today of all the days did he decide to try and fly?  I will spare you the details of the carnage but yes I ran the birdy over with the lawnmower.  I never even saw it!  He had hopped a good distance from where I left him in the back yard.  In my wildest dreams I would never have guessed he would be on the other side of the fence.  I immediately got sick to my stomach.  I think I even cried a little for him.  It was more of a man cry though, more sniffle than tear.

I keep replaying it over and over in my head.  What could I have done?  He too was in the shadow of the fence in the tall grass.  I am still sick to my stomach about what happened.  I don’t like killing things.  I’m more of a live and let live kinda guy.  I will defend what I have to when I have to but will not engage in senseless stuff like mowing down little animals on purpose.

I’m not sure what to do about the situation.  I feel so bad about what I did.  I feel as if I owe the mommy and daddy bird reparation.  I think I might just build them a bird house but I would need the go ahead nod from the wife first.  I might just be setting up the birds for another heart breaking loss in the killing fields I call a yard.

Rest In Peace little birdy

Rest In Peace little mouse/mole