A Little Addition To The Commissary Diaries

OK, so I can’t sleep.  What else is there to do but share a little something else from work.  There is a little segment I would like to add to The Commissary Diaries called:

No Eye for The Straight Guy.

During my lunch breaks I sit outside and people watch as I eat my sandwich.  I see a lot and I mean a lot of people who need fashion help.  But I’m just gonna pick on the men I see.  Only because I know nothing about women’s fashion.

Now I’m not claiming to be some fashion mogul or anything like that.  I’m the farthest thing from it.  But I have learned from past mistakes.  For example: in high school I had long hair….along the lines of a mullet.  I was Joe Dirt before it was a movie.  Although I had more facial hair.  Anyway, for some reason I wanted my straight hair to be curly.  I was tired of being bland.  Being the poor kid in school wasn’t ruining my cool status enough.  Why not get a perm?!?  You know, something that every teen decides to do on a whim.  OK, so you see where I’m coming from.  Mistakes have been made and lessons have been learned.

Let me start this new subsegment off with something else that I have done and learned not to do.

Tucking in your Polo shirt.  Unless you’re wearing it with dress pants or you’re playing in the PGA or even doing a photo shoot for Abercrombie and Fitch, just don’t do it.  It’s not cool and it almost always proves you’re a douche.  You might as well finish it off with a collar pop…

Only old people and those with OCD tuck everything in.  Kind of like my old college roommate who tucked his t-shirt into his underwear before he went to bed.  I’m still creeped out by that!

Why do I bring this up?  Well, I work with a guy that does this.  No, not into his underwear.  Well, maybe but I wouldn’t know.  We’re not that kind of friends.  He is a great guy but I just can’t get over his tucked in Polo shirts.  He wears jeans and we are in a casual work environment.  So no tuck is in order.  He’s also at that age where body parts are becoming elongated and distorted.  There are just no clothes made for someone who has that in between body type.  He is slim but his butt is creeping up higher on his back and his hips seem to just not fit his body any more.  So tucking in the shirt does him no justice.

Here is my last no-no for the day.  Guys, if you don’t live in Europe, don’t wear these!  Especially if you are supposed to be taken seriously like this other guy at work……he tucks his polo shirt in too!

Excuse me sir…..is this your man purse?

I don’t care how hot you think you are, there is nothing sexy about a man’s lower shin.  Except for mine of course.  I mean seriously, where’s the flood?  Did you not know the 24 inch length pants would be too short?  I don’t get it which means you shouldn’t buy it.  If you own a pair of these, do yourself a favor and cut them off at the knees and let the strings hang.  At least you could say you’re hanging onto the 80’s or something.

Until next time…..comb your hair, brush your teeth and look in the mirror before you leave the house cause I’ll be watching for you!

Real Men Shave Their Legs…..or So I Thought

So today I had a day off of work.  What a needed break.  LOL!  If you don’t remember I just had a 3 day weekend not too long ago.  But hey, who am I to complain?  Since I have been going hard with exercise I decided to take today off completely and let the body relax.  Plus it was wicked hot out and the wind is blowing like a hurricane.  That combination of weather makes running or biking unfun.  Yeah, I just made up a new word.  Add that to your Webster’s Dictionary and put it right beside google, bling and getting chocolate wasted.

Like this but different 🙂

I decided to make good use of my time off.  I ran some errands to include grocery shopping….at my place of work.  I know, I know.  Why would I do that?  But the prices are the best around and it’s so darn close to my house.  That and all day yesterday at work people were buying some awesome looking veggies and fruit.  I wanted some!  I had to pass on the $7 a pound cherries but grabbed some nice looking Macintosh apples for mid day snack.  We have this really great pepper in the store called the Hunky Hot.  It is basically a really long pepperoncini.

Speaking of Hunky Hots…. 🙂   Great segway if you ask me…

I read an article online today about body grooming.  I thought the article was funny.  Only because someone is trying to tell me whether or not it was OK for me to shave my legs or if I shaved my arms I needed to shave my shoulders and back too!  Who is this person to tell me what to do?

Now before I share what was really in the article, I have learned that there is a secret to body grooming for both male and female.  The secret is….you don’t tell anyone you do it or it will seem weird!  Or in my world; funny, good blog material and a true story!

I think I have already told you that I am a cross between an ape and Robin Williams when it comes to hair coverage.  I don’t know why.  It could be because I ignored and tempted fate on all the old wive’s tales about stuff like that when I was little.

  • I ate the crust on bread but never got curly hair.
  • I stepped (jumped really hard) on every single crack in the sidewalk and still never broke my mother’s back.
  • My face never stayed in the funny face position.  Well, that one may have come true…..
  • And when I found out about my sexual ability, I never went blind! 🙂

OK enough about me….time for the article review!

Do — Trim armpit hair  /  Don’t — Shave armpits bare

If his head looks like this..Imagine what his armpits look like!

Their take: Short armpit hair is good unless you’re a model and you will sweat less…

My take: They start the damn article off with a lie!  Less hair does not = less sweat.  It does however mean less stink!  I want equal rights too!  Who made models so special?

Do — Groom chest hair  /  Don’t — Go Brazilian or bare everywhere

Good use of manscaping but Hugh, you still don’t have anything on me buddy!

Their take: Some hair on the chest is good for finger running but not wooly mammoth length. But no hair is OK too.

My take:  Will ya make up your mind, please?  Some, a little, none but not all.  WTH!  And since when did the Brazilians get the corner of the market on being hairless?  Didn’t the Mexican Hairless dog start the trend?  Either way, I’m not so sure if I want to follow the ideas of a country that only has cocaine and being hairless going for them.

Do — Get rid of shoulder and back hair

And NO! This is not me!

Their take:  It’s unsightly at best!  Get rid of it all!

My take:  OK, I can see how it could be gross.  Especially in the throws of passion, to grab a hand full of soggy back hair…LOL!  I’m glad I’m not a woman….I’m also waiting for the cops to knock on my door to warn me to stop walking in front of our windows with my shirt off.  You’re scaring the children, sir!!!  Look mommy!  Sasquatch!  EEEEKK!

Do — Keep it trimmed down there  /  Don’t — Shave patterns

Their take:  A clean playing field is good to go!

Again NO! This is not me!

My take:  I get it.  A clean field is gtg for me too.  The twig and berries will look bigger and cleaner with less shrubbery.  But look, I believe in keeping a good appearance but if I want to shave an arrow pointing down at my Mr. Happy…I’ll do it!

So what’s my total take on Manscaping?  It’s great but don’t take it to extremes, I guess.  The word is also way too close to sounding like a chore.  And my honey-do list is long enough, if you know what I mean…wink! wink!

Now go away!  I need some privacy……..I’m Manscaping!