The Unusual Suspect


With the 4th of July coming up and it also seems that deployment rotations are in effect, I have seen more and more Facebook type celebrative poems of being a military WIFE.  They are all about how great it is and isn’t being a military WIFE and how they preserver as most strong women do in the world with odd and daunting tasks that face them while their military man has gone to war.

As a male military spouse I feel a bit slighted by not having one of these poems or posts for us.  I too face many odd and daunting tasks.  The military support systems that are in place are really only geared toward the women spouses and especially for those with children.

It is time for equality!

This is no poem but you will get the point….

I also have to move every 3 or so years and leave behind many friends that usually take the 3 years to make.  It seems that when the time for our Permanent Change of Station (PCS) comes I have just become settled in my new world.

When I meet new people they always assume I’m the military member.  I feel a bit ashamed that I’m not (because it is a great honor to serve one’s country).  But when I point to and say, why no; it’s my wife that is military, I feel a sense of great pride in what she has accomplished.  Why?  Because I know what she has gone through, plus I get to say, “That’s my wife!”

In times of need there are spouse groups I could join in the base community.  But guess what?  They are almost always 99% women and the men never show up.  I don’t fit in well at tea parties.  And I don’t do very well at coupon swaps.  I am usually never asked to join things because I am a male, I am only needed as a volunteer to do the physical things such as lift the heavy box and move things around.

Jobs and career…..don’t even get me started!  They can exist for the lucky few but for the rest it’s whatever you can find as long as the employer doesn’t find out you’re a military spouse.

I hear of how the women of deployed military members always worry about their men in war.  Well, I have a WOMAN in war.  I worry about her probably more so than those women do about their men.

In the 14+ years of marriage I believe we have missed at least 6 wedding anniversaries and countless more birthdays.  Forget about holidays……that is the military’s favorite time to deploy.  We no longer plan for anything because who knows what is coming.

When it all comes down to it, we all have spouses male or female and we share a common bond within the military.  Some just are not as conventional as others.

10 July 2013 marks 15 years of marriage to an incredible woman.  We will miss yet another anniversary but she will be home soon after.  I love you Honey!

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2 thoughts on “The Unusual Suspect

  1. Well Big Mike. I’m not even sure how to respond to that one. No amount of patting on the pat is going to resolve the situation. Your wife and you have my utmost respect. If there was anything I could do to support I would. But in the meantime – Keep the love strong – stay supportive and eventually it’ll all work out just fine.
    15 Years – wow! Congratulations to you both.
    yer bloggin’ buddy
    Doug

  2. You rock. Having been in both sides. In the military and then a dependent spouse..I will tell you a little secret. All those poems and odes and strength of being a mitary wife . Well how shall I put this delicately… its bullshit. They have it no easier then you do..its just strength in numbers and as much to boost their intestinal fortitude as anything.. they should make those posts military SPOUSE .. but you could start your own..look here you already did congrats on your 15 years . I know how it goes..mu first husband and I were together 5 years and when we actually figured out the time we were ohysically in the same plave…it was less than two years.. we had two kids and both deployed at different times.. kudos for sticking with it..you and her.

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