Hey Produce Man!

Hello fellow bloggymabobber peeps!  I know, it’s been a long time since I wrote anything.  Let me tell you about the week or so in this installment of The Commissary Diaries.

A lot has been going on.  I have had my hours increased at work and I’ve been really sick.  It felt like the world collapsed on me.  I woke up, went to work, came home, fell asleep and repeat.  I had no time to do anything.  I didn’t even grocery shop.  I was living off of deli made sandwiches and protein bars.

I am having a hard time trying to recall the past few weeks in my head now.  It has been all a blur.

I got sick the day I had to man the self checkout registers* for 8 hours.  The one thing that really sticks in my mind was this one customer telling me she was just getting over the flu and a sinus infection.  I think she touched me or I was a little to close to her when she was talking.  Either way I figure got her cooties.  Since that day my head has felt as if it is 3 times it’s normal size (and I have a big head to begin with), my nose won’t stop running but yet it’s always clogged, my legs are weak and my lower back hurts as if I’ve been carrying a refrigerator all day.  Did I mention the frequent sneezing jags and liquids shooting out of both ends?  You’re welcome for the visual (if you didn’t have one, you do now).

I’m not looking for a pity party from ya but some hot chicken soup would be gladly accepted and appreciated if sent my way.

*Side not on the self checkout registers: There is nothing self checkouty about them with our customers.  I would say 90% of the customers are morons and should not be allowed to use them.  I proposed a test for all customers and if they don’t get a specific score they are restricted to only have other people ring them up.  Of course I was laughed at.  But I could have eliminated most people with my first question.  If you’re curious about the question, here it is: Have you ever successfully checked yourself out at our self checkout registers without any assistance?  That would constituted an immediate 95% failure off the bat.

A lot has been going on a work.  Not that you care and don’t worry I won’t give you the step by step story.  A few weeks ago we closed the store down for 3 days to do a reset of all the shelved items (that would be approximately all 20,000 different sku’ed items).  It was a total cluster F#@&.  Needless to say we are still reeling from the poor leadership of the change.  And of course since we reopened customers unload their dislike on us poor innocent cashiers.  There is no one for us to tell cause no one cares.  So, whatever….

My supervisor recently left for a new job in a different agency.  Right before that she denied my leave to go to my best friend’s wedding.  I’m beyond PO’ed.  I got this story about how she knew she was leaving so she passed it off to the person that is replacing her.  Meantime, two other people had submitted leave for the approximate same time and she approved theirs.  So no open bar for me at my buddies wedding.

I do have some good news though.  Out of the dust always rises the Phoenix, right?  Well, sort of.  Prior to my supervisor leaving she had to give everyone their “yearly” performance reviews.  Keep in mind I have only been there for 4-5 months.  I asked why I even received one since I have not been able to experience everything possible within that 1 year time frame.  “Oh, it’s just standard procedure that we do this regardless of your tenure.”  I call Horse Ish!  Well I didn’t receive a poor review just not an extremely great one.  I was rated as average or according to their terminology “Fully Acceptable.”  Basically that means no raise or bonus right now.  It’s all good because I know I’m a good employee.  I out work others around me on a daily basis with no desire to brown nose the bosses (like the ones who received bonuses and raises).  There’s more to the story but it’s all just a rant on my part.  So I will spare you the drama.

On to the rising Phoenix!  Yeah, about that no raise and no bonus……I got a promotion instead.  You now know the new Produce Man of the base commissary!  If this were a true promotion there would have been a substantial raise and actual GS level increase.  But since it’s just a move it is only a prestige thing for now.  In the future it could become an all around true promotion.  Either way, I now get to feel up your fruit before you buy it. 🙂

Oh and I’m also feeling much better now.

Thanks for stopping by and reading.

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A Little Addition To The Commissary Diaries

OK, so I can’t sleep.  What else is there to do but share a little something else from work.  There is a little segment I would like to add to The Commissary Diaries called:

No Eye for The Straight Guy.

During my lunch breaks I sit outside and people watch as I eat my sandwich.  I see a lot and I mean a lot of people who need fashion help.  But I’m just gonna pick on the men I see.  Only because I know nothing about women’s fashion.

Now I’m not claiming to be some fashion mogul or anything like that.  I’m the farthest thing from it.  But I have learned from past mistakes.  For example: in high school I had long hair….along the lines of a mullet.  I was Joe Dirt before it was a movie.  Although I had more facial hair.  Anyway, for some reason I wanted my straight hair to be curly.  I was tired of being bland.  Being the poor kid in school wasn’t ruining my cool status enough.  Why not get a perm?!?  You know, something that every teen decides to do on a whim.  OK, so you see where I’m coming from.  Mistakes have been made and lessons have been learned.

Let me start this new subsegment off with something else that I have done and learned not to do.

Tucking in your Polo shirt.  Unless you’re wearing it with dress pants or you’re playing in the PGA or even doing a photo shoot for Abercrombie and Fitch, just don’t do it.  It’s not cool and it almost always proves you’re a douche.  You might as well finish it off with a collar pop…

Only old people and those with OCD tuck everything in.  Kind of like my old college roommate who tucked his t-shirt into his underwear before he went to bed.  I’m still creeped out by that!

Why do I bring this up?  Well, I work with a guy that does this.  No, not into his underwear.  Well, maybe but I wouldn’t know.  We’re not that kind of friends.  He is a great guy but I just can’t get over his tucked in Polo shirts.  He wears jeans and we are in a casual work environment.  So no tuck is in order.  He’s also at that age where body parts are becoming elongated and distorted.  There are just no clothes made for someone who has that in between body type.  He is slim but his butt is creeping up higher on his back and his hips seem to just not fit his body any more.  So tucking in the shirt does him no justice.

Here is my last no-no for the day.  Guys, if you don’t live in Europe, don’t wear these!  Especially if you are supposed to be taken seriously like this other guy at work……he tucks his polo shirt in too!

Excuse me sir…..is this your man purse?

I don’t care how hot you think you are, there is nothing sexy about a man’s lower shin.  Except for mine of course.  I mean seriously, where’s the flood?  Did you not know the 24 inch length pants would be too short?  I don’t get it which means you shouldn’t buy it.  If you own a pair of these, do yourself a favor and cut them off at the knees and let the strings hang.  At least you could say you’re hanging onto the 80’s or something.

Until next time…..comb your hair, brush your teeth and look in the mirror before you leave the house cause I’ll be watching for you!