Poor Dispicable Little Me

So much going on!  So little time to explain….

For those of you following this little soap opera, you know I have a new job now.  I think I have finally settled in the position now.  I am still learing what all of my responsibilities are because there seem to be new ones that pop up every week.  But that is OK….I’m finally in a cool position doing marketing.  Which brings me to some new hurdles in life.

First hurdle is sitting in a car for a two-hour round trip to work everyday.  Second hurdle, sitting most of the day for my 8-9 hour work day.  Third hurdle, looking at a computer screen for most of it.

So now that I am no longer physical in my job, I have to figure out a way to keep the body looking good.  Food has become more important than ever for me cause with my “Oooo Shinny” disease, hunger can play games with my attention span.

Problems solved????

The drive to work can be a very stressful time.  Most of my commute is spent in a “bamboo splinter shoved up my finger nail” type pain traffic.  Thankfully my wife works in the same vicinity as I do so we commute together, which makes the drive that much better (can you feel the sarcasm?).  She loves a traffic jam as much as a cat loves a bath.  Most of her time is spent in the passenger seat with her head down playing games on her phone while I smile stupidly at all the A-hole Maryland drivers cutting me off, zigzagging all around me, and slamming into each other all over the road and causing even more havoc.  My problem was solved once I took my Prozac!

So sitting most of the day has played one heck of a shake the puzzle box game on my spine.  I have learned that we (those of us that sit in office type chairs) are destroying our bodies each and every day we use those blasted devices that hold our asses off the ground.  My problem was solved two weeks ago when I brought in my exercise ball to sit on instead of using my chair.  Hey, I’m blasting my core and working at the same time!  Plus the majority of us in our office are doing a version of the biggest loser.  So I now have a little added incentive to keep up an active lifestyle.

Those of you that have read me for a while do know I used to be a happy fat kid with a piece of chocolate cake in one hand and a stick of butter in the other.  Now I have done a whole life changing event by going Paleo.  The months I have been learning, experimenting, and living Paleo I have never felt better.

The day I said no more to grains, highly refined foods, anything in boxes, most things in cans, and all fast food I made a life decision that probably has added years to my life.  I have taken some sage advice from some of the Paleo food bloggers that are extreme workout peeps and full-time professionals on meal prep.  I cook huge batches of meals on Sundays so I don’t have to make excuses that there is nothing to take for lunch or there is nothing for dinner.  I don’t want to fall into the eating out all week routine that I once was in.

So yeah, that’s about where I’m at right now.  I work with a bunch of great people and enjoy what I do.

Oh, I almost forgot the funny part of my post!  So I went on a run the other day with two of the girls that are doing the biggest loser at work.  It was cold so I was wearing my black thermal tights and my black UA winter running jacket.  The one girl said I had skinny legs for a guy then the other said with my bald head and what I was wearing I looked like Gru from Dispicable Me.

Yeah, it’s true, I looked like Gru that day.

OK, so you can stop laughing at me now….

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I Need A Name!

It’s “Tis The Season” again and all kinds of goodies are out in the stores.  I gave in to the hype and picked up one of the hottest little gadgets of the past few years.

No…..it’s not an iPhone!  No……it’s not a tablet, Kindle or other Made in China piece of garbage.

It’s an Elf On The Shelf!

Elf on the shelf

I wanted to adopt a boy elf but as most of you know you don’t always get what you want when it comes to kids!  So I got a girl elf.  Currently she is holding my TV remote control hostage until she gets named.

20131208_133618

I Need Your Help naming her!!!!!

She is already a handful.  Poor Kenai has been a target of her mischief too.

It's behind me isn't it?

It’s behind me isn’t it?

Please help me get my household back in order and keep “What’s Her Name” in some kind of control.  At least I will be able to yell her name when something happens then.

Where To Begin?

Thank you all for the warm welcome back.  I know you all have had a rough time without your weekly dose of Big Mike and I apologise for that.  The past few months have been tough to say the least.

Here is a brief list of major events:

  1. I had to say goodbye to Moose and put him to sleep in July – (still hard to talk about)
  2. My Wife came back from her year deployment a few days later – (yay me)
  3. Received orders for a Military Permanent Change of Station (PCS)
  4. Had to leave my job – (good and bad)
  5. Endured hardest PCS ever….. – (Did I say worst EVER!?!?)
  6. Searched for new existence in new state….. – (Job, House, everything we take for granted, etc)
  7. Went Paleo on ya’ll – (I eat dinosaurs and like it!)
  8. Stumbled upon new job – (I’m kind of a big thing round here now)
  9. Wrote this post – (you’re welcome)

I know at this time of year, during the holidays, we all get sappy and spill our guts and say how much we love each other.  But I truly am grateful for each and every one of you that reach out to someone you don’t even know (me) and offer kind words and even joke around a bit.  As a military spouse leaving friends behind every few years is tough and trying to make new ones is even harder.  This year I will add you guys to my list of things I’m thankful for on Turkey Day.

Oh and for those slackers out there….this is day 9 of the Burpee Challange….let’s get jumpin!

The Unusual Suspect

With the 4th of July coming up and it also seems that deployment rotations are in effect, I have seen more and more Facebook type celebrative poems of being a military WIFE.  They are all about how great it is and isn’t being a military WIFE and how they preserver as most strong women do in the world with odd and daunting tasks that face them while their military man has gone to war.

As a male military spouse I feel a bit slighted by not having one of these poems or posts for us.  I too face many odd and daunting tasks.  The military support systems that are in place are really only geared toward the women spouses and especially for those with children.

It is time for equality!

This is no poem but you will get the point….

I also have to move every 3 or so years and leave behind many friends that usually take the 3 years to make.  It seems that when the time for our Permanent Change of Station (PCS) comes I have just become settled in my new world.

When I meet new people they always assume I’m the military member.  I feel a bit ashamed that I’m not (because it is a great honor to serve one’s country).  But when I point to and say, why no; it’s my wife that is military, I feel a sense of great pride in what she has accomplished.  Why?  Because I know what she has gone through, plus I get to say, “That’s my wife!”

In times of need there are spouse groups I could join in the base community.  But guess what?  They are almost always 99% women and the men never show up.  I don’t fit in well at tea parties.  And I don’t do very well at coupon swaps.  I am usually never asked to join things because I am a male, I am only needed as a volunteer to do the physical things such as lift the heavy box and move things around.

Jobs and career…..don’t even get me started!  They can exist for the lucky few but for the rest it’s whatever you can find as long as the employer doesn’t find out you’re a military spouse.

I hear of how the women of deployed military members always worry about their men in war.  Well, I have a WOMAN in war.  I worry about her probably more so than those women do about their men.

In the 14+ years of marriage I believe we have missed at least 6 wedding anniversaries and countless more birthdays.  Forget about holidays……that is the military’s favorite time to deploy.  We no longer plan for anything because who knows what is coming.

When it all comes down to it, we all have spouses male or female and we share a common bond within the military.  Some just are not as conventional as others.

10 July 2013 marks 15 years of marriage to an incredible woman.  We will miss yet another anniversary but she will be home soon after.  I love you Honey!

Some People Are Thrill Junkies, I’m An Exercise Endorphin Junkie

Well another fun-filled week of trying to get a little more fit has passed.  The Insanity workouts are really something!  I’m tired during and after, along with soaked by sweat.

I have never really been a cardio type person.  I was always the workout with weights guy.  I’m not really sure what made me understand that cardio will help make me a whole physically fit person but I do realize that now. I also see that body weight exercises are just as good if not better.

Again, all of a sudden things just clicked in my head.  Maybe it’s because I’m seeing results by not working out with just weights.  Or maybe it’s because I’m so close to 40 that I realize I’ll never be “Arnold-like” in physical stature.  I will no longer participate in those kill the man with the ball type sports (except maybe some lacrosse) that I would need to be that big.  Certain things might be a little more enjoyable if I was lighter such as running or cycling.  I certainly would be faster at those activities.  I can’t be much slower, that’s for sure.

Quick change in topic: Most of you know I like to give bloggyblog love to those I enjoy reading on here.  This person got me all excited about riding my bikes this year.  It was a simple (lack of a better term, cause it wasn’t simple it was awesome) post about cycling clothes.  Mountain bike clothes to be exact!  EXCITEMENT!  Yes, excitement…..some guys like to shop for athletic wear.

So before I drag this out any further I want you all to click HERE and check out a great fitness blog called JOY FITNESS AND STYLE.  Stop reading this and go click!!!!  Do it!  I’ll wait right here till you come back.

OK, you’re back now.  You liked that blog didn’t you?  I knew you would.  Joy is a pretty cool fitness gal.  I would have said fitness chick but Joy could pretty easily beat me up if she wanted, especially if the word “chick” offended her.  So I’ll stick with gal. 🙂

OK, enough about her.  It’s back to me me me time.

Hey, guess what….

I finished a full week of Insanity!  Yup, that’s right.  I’m pretty awesome.  I do have to give some props to my fitness guru though.  Here is his latest guidance:

I thank you

Thanks cat!  I knew you wouldn’t let me settle for being mediocre.  Always pushing me to do better.

That’s it for me, I’m out!

I’d Like a McFlirty For Here, Please

So yes, by the title you can tell I went to McDonald’s.  I know, I know, I can here you all right now yelling at me….blah blah blah fat calories cholesterol and diabetes.  Let me explain.

Yesterday I had to bring my Mazda to the dealer for some scheduled maintenance.  And since I had the day off I decided to make an O’Dark Thirty appointment so I could get on with my day.  Turns out all I needed was an oil change.  Lucky for me I had a coupon for that.  Then I used my Super Intelligent Phone (some call them just smart but my phone feels slighted by that term) and checked in to the dealership using the application Foursquare and I received a loyalty check-in coupon for a $15 oil change.  Guess what I used on that visit?

Anyway, that is not what this post is really about.

The dealership is near a strip mall which has a McD’s, a Culver’s, a Panda Express and a Jack-in-the-Box.  I really only wanted coffee and knew McD’s had the $1 any size coffee in the mornings.  It was a bit of a walk in the brisk 15 degree temp with a nice slap in the face wind.  I would have ran but I hadn’t had my coffee yet!  You feel me?

As soon as I get in to the McD’s I knew it was just going to be one of those days.  There were 3 customers swarming and pacing by the counter with “that” look on their faces.  Geez!  They all took their turn yelling at the unlucky person to approach the counter.  I get it, you paid for something and you expect to get the right thing, but people come on……you shouldn’t be eating there anyway.  Take the hint!

I didn’t but I needed to kill a few hours thinking I was getting brakes and all kinds of things done on my Amazing Mazda.

Actual size of the coffee I needed that morning

Actual size of the coffee I needed that morning

I got my coffee (black-no cream or sugar) and searched out a nice quiet private little spot in the back of the restaurant.  I pulled out my Super Intelligent Phone and clicked in to the free Wi-Fi I was promised by the sticker on the front door of the store.  I started surfing the internet for the news and was greatly disappointed as usual.  This is not going to get me through a few hours.  Thankfully out of nowhere this old lady sits down behind me.  I think she was a bit crazy.  She was talking with herself as she read the paper.  She would say a passage then giggle and respond with some satirical comment.  I loved it!  I was like, hells yeah, blog material!

A few minutes later an old man sits down at a table by her.  I was like, this is going to get good…

She started talking with him.  And as a typical guy he had little to say back…..until another old guy shows up!  I know, I know, there was an actual commercial like this but this is real life stuff.  You can’t make this up!  I think when McD’s made the commercial they got the idea from this group right here.

The second old guy sat down and said hi to the lady and ignored the other guy.  She said hi back and told him about an article she just told the first guy.  The second guy had an opinion and shared.  Then the first guy, not to be out done, decided to enter the conversation.  Now he talks….

The second guy moves to a closer table to the lady.  More talking, and some awkward giggling and laughter by them all.  Was I back in high school?  The first guy now moves in closer sitting at the same table as the lady.  Not a few seconds later the second guy jumps to the seat beside him.

I pretty much lost track of what anyone was saying since my wife did a morale call right after all that happened.  I was watching what they were all doing.  There was a lot of arm touching and googly eyes.

The whole scenario was funny to watch cause that first guy was gonna play it all smooth until that second guy showed up.  I wonder if this is what it’s like in retirement homes.?.

I have also declared that section of the restaurant the Flirting section.  So if you see a bunch of old people sitting in a group at a McD’s near the restrooms, you know that is now the designated Flirting section.

So I guess life doesn’t end after 65….at least for these three it didn’t.

Thanks for the smiles old timers!

Making It Through The Holidays, A Dog’s Tale

I think this story begins just after Thanksgiving……yeah, just after Thanksgiving….

Yummmmmm

Yummmmmm

Well, there go the leftovers!  Turkey, stuffing and mashed taters….everything a growing dog needs.

One holiday down and a few more to go till mommy comes home from her deployment.  We miss the mommy.  The daddy says she comes home in like 6 months.  My brother and I did the math and we think that is like 100 years long.  We’ll have to check our numbers again, it could be longer.

Last year daddy was a little depressed and didn’t do much for the holidays cause mommy was deployed then too.  It was real tough on us too.  This year the daddy is making things more festive.

For Christmas we got a live tree this year.  We didn’t even put up a fake one last year.  We’re not sure if it’s cause he was afraid that we would try to “water it” or he wasn’t in the spirit.  The daddy said we were really lucky because a great organization that likes military families donated Christmas trees to our base this year.  And because the mommy is deployed they picked daddy to specifically get one.  We want to thank the organization “Trees for Troops” for the awesome tree they gave daddy!

Trees for Troops Tree

Trees for Troops Tree

Daddy didn’t want to put ornaments on it because that is what the mommy does each Christmas.  It lets us enjoy the season but still remember that the mommy is not here with us.

Not long after the daddy put up the tree he was sick with the flu.  He wasn’t doing well at all….

Poor daddy......

Poor daddy……

It took the daddy a whole week to get better.  But when he felt better he went back to “Decking the Halls.”

Daddy went all out this year.  He even put up decorations and christmas lights outside.

No lights up high cause daddy doesn't like heights!

No lights up high cause daddy doesn’t like heights!

We like this pic expecially because of the awesome pic in the middle on the mantle!

We like this pic especially because of the awesome pic in the middle on the mantle!

Now all that’s left is to wait for the Santa to show up with all kinds of treats and toys for us to destroy!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

From: Moose, Kenai & The Daddy (aka – Big Mike)