Just My Luck

Well, it looks like I will need to concede to Jamie for this week’s weigh-in.

Mother Freakin Effeeer! And a bunch of other words I won’t type out…….

So I’m out on a nice run and all of a sudden out of nowhere, the road comes at me.  Or was it more like I went towards the road?  I don’t know and can’t really remember because of the blinding pain I felt when it happened.  It felt like someone shot me in the leg.  Not that I know what it is like to be shot but I’m sure that is what it would feel like.

Oh man!  I dropped to the ground like someone cracked open a pinata at a birthday party.  At first I was laying in the road and said F it, I’m gonna die right here.  What do I do?  Do I call out for help (I really couldn’t move)? Do I stay here in the  fetal position and cry?  Do I crawl into the sewer drain? What????

Then I realized exactly where I was and pulled myself into the front yard of someone that had a huge killer attack dog looking out the window at me.  Oh great!  Yeah, I felt like a Snausage right then.  But I would have a better survival rate with a dog  than the SUV barreling down towards me.

I still don’t really know what happened.  So I looked around to see WTH I stumbled on.  There was this miniature boulder hiding in the shade of the only tree on the street.  Stupid rock!  Stupid tree casing it’s shade hiding the stupid rock!

I managed to pull up my skirt Man-Up and tried to stand up so I could walk home.  By now I was more pissed off than anything.  I was so pumped to get a good run in before work.  Oh yeah, I had to call off today.  That was a colossal effort too.  I’m a damn cashier and I have to talk to 4 different managers and 2 supervisors to tell them what happened and why I won’t be able to stand for 6 hours and smile at customers……REALLY?  Let’s see, how can I put this so the powers that be will understand….I rolled my GD ankle and I have a baseball sized bump trying to escape from my skin!  Now, may I please be excused from work 6th person I talked to?

Naw, I didn’t say all that.  I don’t remember saying please….

Well, I’m gonna lay in my bed and cry a little before I go to the hospital…….I’m not one for ERs so I made an actual appointment. But it’s not until 2:20.

Oh, and if you want to send me a get well card, I’ll shoot you my address. 🙂

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Spandex, It’s What’s For Dinner

So I was riding a high from earlier this afternoon (I got a job offer) and needed to burn some extra energy.  But some errands needed done first.  So I went grocery shopping with the wife, dropped off some recyclables(I’m trying to save the Earth you know), stop at the post office and picked up a black ink cartridge for my printer.  Yeah, yeah, the exercise part is coming soon.

It has been a while since I went to the store to really shop and restock all the stuff I use to make some homemade goodness.  Have you ever noticed how tiring grocery shopping is?  I think it is from all that dodging of old people and of course forgetting you needed something in isle 1 when you are in isle 10 and then you forget where your cart is so you start going up and down each isle looking for it.  A $100 later the wife and I are carrying our bags out to the car.  Stupid me asked for paper bags (cause I’m trying to save the Earth from death by plastic) but forgot we parked in Timbuk2.  My poor wife is stopping ever few steps cause she grabbed all the heavy bags, at least she made them look heavy.  Don’t worry, I was a gentleman and helped her.  It turns out she had the bags with all the light stuff in them.

Anyway, we came home and I made a great dressing for the calorie conscious.  It was taught to me by a Jamaican friend I worked with while I was in California.  I have no idea what it’s called but I love it.  It’s pretty simple but spicy hot!!  So if you want the recipe here you go:

32 oz bottle of white vinegar

bag of coleslaw(you can cut up your own if you want, I’m lazy)

1-4 habanero peppers (diced)

1 Ball jar with lid

1 made in China stainless steel knife

I do this in layers.  I shove the jar 1/2 full of the cabbage mix then cut 2 habaneros then pour in enough vinegar to cover.  Then repeat till full.  When its full, screw on the lid and give’er a shake.  It should look something like this picture.  Then I put it on my top shelf in the fridge right beside my homemade salsa!  I use this stuff on all kinds of meats.  It’s best on pig, cow or as an oil-less salad dressing.

Ok so enough from Chef Mike.  I have a ton of recipes I could share but this is about exercise, right?  So I had a great workout yesterday so why not press my luck today too?  My legs were a bit sketchy so I wanted to get them warmed up first.  I remembered I had some of my magic warming juice left from when I was really into cycling. I don’t even know if this is made anymore.  It smells great!  The ingredients are straight from someone’s kitchen; veggie oil, mineral oil, wintergreen, rosemary, menthol, cayenne, and clove.  If there wasn’t a warning for intended use as external I would be marinating my chicken in this stuff.  The green stuff you see there is for after I took a shower. Made me smell even pertier…..

Anyway, after I got all greased up, I pulled my spandex compression shorts back up, then my Under Armour shorts, and headed out the door.  I decided to do a nice medium paced 2 1/2 mile run to start it off.  I think I burned through that in 20 min or so.  I’m not sure, I could be fibbing.  I was too lazy to use my ipod and track it with my Nike+ thingy-ma-bob.  Someone forgot to tell me this was going to be a group run.  I guess my warming goo was a Pavlovian scent for neighborhood dogs to come out and join me.  Those dogs were no joke either.  I felt like a Snausage with two legs.  I had to pick up the pace but not too much.  I was afraid of creating too much friction with my spandex.  I didn’t want to spontaneously combust!  Those are my shoes…..just in case you don’t believe me I run.  Not that a picture of shoes would make you believe that but I’m all about showing as much positive evidence as I can.

A quick wipe away of all those little bugs that didn’t strategically fly into my mouth, a change of shoes, and I jumped right into my P90X Plyometic workout.  Tony Horton was relentless on me.  For some reason he must have thought I was dogging it cause he kept yelling at me to Bring It!  I have feelings you know, Tony!  I’m an emotional guy, I cry very easily.

If you ever feel good while working out, don’t worry, you’ll get over it!  That is what happened to me today. Wow!  Not that Tony hurt my feelings by calling me out in front of my couch and ottoman (although I do see them everyday and it will be a little embarrassing for a few days) but because I was beat.

I know I can only grow stronger and faster with the backing of my loving wife who after I finished working out asked if I was OK, then instantly told me to suck it up after I said I was tired.  Thanks for the back massage honey!  NOT!!!!

I know the day will come when I ask my wife this: “What do you love most about me? My tremendous athletic ability or my superior intellect?” My wife will respond, “What I love most about you, is your enormous sense of humor.”

I shall leave you with a few words of wisdom.  Experience is a wonderful thing.  It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.