The Funnier Side of Dinosaurs

What’s a day without a laugh, right?  For me it’s like a day without a workout.  I’m still down about not being able to continue “my” workout regiment.  So I thought there has to be someone else in the world that has it worse than me right now.

Then it hit me……

Why not make fun of something that can’t fight back?

So here we go!

Reasons Why Not To Date a T-Rex

Personality

He really doesn’t have one.  I mean, come on….listen to his ice breaker jokes!

 

 

Social Life

It’s virtually non-existent.  It’s all because he’s not adaptable to today’s technology.

 

Talent

Ha!  He has none!  Seriously, His arms aren’t even long enough to scratch his own ass.

And his singing is absolutely horrible!  Catchy but horrible!  Why is he so nasally?

Physique

Do I really need to say much about this.  This dude doesn’t even have balance to stand without a tail!  But seriously, he doesn’t have a good workout routine.

Dietary Habits

This guy has no willpower.  Bingeing all day, his cholesterol has to be off the charts!

He Had a Rough Childhood

I do feel sorry for him somewhat.  All of the cavemen used to laugh and call him names.  They wouldn’t even let him play any cavemen games.  I mean, why even include him.  Can you see him try playing Head Shoulders Knees & Toes?

Personal Time

This poor guy has issues beyond issues.  But he does make me laugh (not because of his jokes though)

So, hopefully I convinced you that T-Rex is the wrong guy for you.  Which I’m pretty sure I have.

I also hope you have taken something else away from this post.  A good laugh…

There is always someone who has it worse than you.  So if you’re down….Cheer up and think about poor T-Rex!

The Weekend Weight Loss Update

So here we are 3 or so weeks into the Blogthingamabobber Weight Loss Challenge.  Miss Jamie posted her results for the week HERE.  I’m not one for kicking someone while they are down.  So I won’t giggle or snicker or say Heheehee about her disappointing week.  She was kind to me when she had a good week and I was on the ground reeling from a broken ankle.

So where am I for this week?

Damn it hurts to stand on this freakin thing!

I have a Large Stuffed Crust pepperoni Pizza with me…and I’m naked!  I’ll let you figure out how I’m holding the pizza!

Not sure how I am still losing weight when I only worked out one day this week.  And that was the day before the doc told me I had a broken ankle.  Like right now I’m just layin here sippin on some green matcha tea.

I know I’m getting smaller or tighter, however you want to view my progress.  Just last week I ditched my size 38 jeans for a better fitting size 36 and they’re loose. That’s one reason this broken ankle is so frustrating!  I want to continue that progress…..

Anyway, before I go all nuts and want to do more of what I can’t do physically, I’m down a total of 2.2 pounds from day 1.  And that is without really doing anything.

Don’t forget to stop by Jamie’s and give her a shout of encouragement.

Before I leave I wanted to give you an update on my ankle.  I tried to take a nap yesterday with my leg elevated and I started to fall asleep and twitched…….Holy Snikies!

It felt like this lady paid me a visit.

Shame on you if you don’t know Kathy Bates played Annie Wilkes in the movie Misery

and it felt like she did this…..

Same ankle too!

Talk to y’all later!  Keep doin what ya do……

And The Doctor Said……

One week later after I did my random gravity check on the road……

Doctor So&So, “We have reviewed your x-rays and we have come to the conclusion that your ankle is BROKEN! An avulsion fracture to be technical.”

Hey, you!  Stop looking up avulsion fracture in your google machine!  I was gonna tell you what it was.  Now you’re just gonna have to wait….. back to my story.

I was like, “You’re freakin kidding me, right?  I have been going to work and walking on this damn thing since Monday cause your orders were to stay off it for approx 3 days.”

Well, it turns out this isn’t something I can just put a lime in the coconut and drink it all up to be better.  I’m looking at an eight week healing process then rehab.  Well, for me rehab will be putting my shoes back on and finding that rock and kicking it’s ass!

The lump is not as visible yet…still a lot of swelling.

So anyway, I have another appointment next Friday for them to give me a walking boot.  For now I have this plastic brace they gave me that pushes in on the one spot that hurts so bad I want to cry when it is touched.

Oh, yeah, you want to know what an avulsion fracture is don’t you?  OK, so here is the simple and least gross description.  An avulsion fracture is when a ligament or tendon is ripped from the bone and pulls a piece of the bone off with it.  Sounds harmless enough but it also comes with a huge deformed lump that sits on the side of my ankle.  And my foot is turning all kinds of pretty colors.

So if you haven’t figured out by now, I’m very depressed about this situation.  All that running and all those training rides…..wasted with no end result or race entered and concluded.

Partialy in the shadows but still workin out….I will come back stronger

The other day I got a little stir crazy and decided to do my pushup and pullup routine.  It felt good to do a little something and get the arms and back pumped up.  But I still had to hold myself up by hanging on the door frame.

I really could use some clear headed thoughts.  So I want to ask you; my friends, my readers, for some ideas on some exercise that I can do without standing or putting pressure on one leg.

Hit me up…I’m in need of some stress relief.

Just My Luck

Well, it looks like I will need to concede to Jamie for this week’s weigh-in.

Mother Freakin Effeeer! And a bunch of other words I won’t type out…….

So I’m out on a nice run and all of a sudden out of nowhere, the road comes at me.  Or was it more like I went towards the road?  I don’t know and can’t really remember because of the blinding pain I felt when it happened.  It felt like someone shot me in the leg.  Not that I know what it is like to be shot but I’m sure that is what it would feel like.

Oh man!  I dropped to the ground like someone cracked open a pinata at a birthday party.  At first I was laying in the road and said F it, I’m gonna die right here.  What do I do?  Do I call out for help (I really couldn’t move)? Do I stay here in the  fetal position and cry?  Do I crawl into the sewer drain? What????

Then I realized exactly where I was and pulled myself into the front yard of someone that had a huge killer attack dog looking out the window at me.  Oh great!  Yeah, I felt like a Snausage right then.  But I would have a better survival rate with a dog  than the SUV barreling down towards me.

I still don’t really know what happened.  So I looked around to see WTH I stumbled on.  There was this miniature boulder hiding in the shade of the only tree on the street.  Stupid rock!  Stupid tree casing it’s shade hiding the stupid rock!

I managed to pull up my skirt Man-Up and tried to stand up so I could walk home.  By now I was more pissed off than anything.  I was so pumped to get a good run in before work.  Oh yeah, I had to call off today.  That was a colossal effort too.  I’m a damn cashier and I have to talk to 4 different managers and 2 supervisors to tell them what happened and why I won’t be able to stand for 6 hours and smile at customers……REALLY?  Let’s see, how can I put this so the powers that be will understand….I rolled my GD ankle and I have a baseball sized bump trying to escape from my skin!  Now, may I please be excused from work 6th person I talked to?

Naw, I didn’t say all that.  I don’t remember saying please….

Well, I’m gonna lay in my bed and cry a little before I go to the hospital…….I’m not one for ERs so I made an actual appointment. But it’s not until 2:20.

Oh, and if you want to send me a get well card, I’ll shoot you my address. 🙂

My Secret iPod Playlist

Hey Everyone!

I’m having a sleepless night so I thought I would write a little bloggy thing for you to read in the morning with your coffee.

Some of you may know that I’m in a battle of weight loss with fellow bloggymabobber Jamie @ The Life of Jamie.  And you may have read that I’m in the lead of the competition after the first week (barely, like by the thickness of the icing on a 10 cent cupcake in the dollar store).  So the next question in your head should be, “Well Mike, how on earth are you doing it?”

That would be a great question if I had that snappy smart like answer for it.  But I don’t.  So I won’t try and answer it.  But I will tell you how I stay motivated on my semi long runs.  It’s all in my smartly chosen secret playlist.  And I’m gonna share it with you.  Aren’t I just a swell guy?  Say yes!  And maybe I will do a shirtless pick at the end of this whole painful weight loss ordeal.

So on with THE PLAYLIST:

Song – Change by the Deftones

Why – It’s my stretching/wake up song.  It’s the perfect length at 5 min for me to do my huggers, arm swirlies (yeah, I said swirlies), quad stretch and bending over to tighten my shoe laces which constitutes my hammy stretch.

Song – Let’s Get It Started by the Black Eyed Peas

Why – It’s all about getting it started….why else?

Song – Smack That by Akon featuring Eminem

Why – I like the beat!  It gets me into a good stride rhythm.  Plus I like a little rap…..by now my shorts are also saggin a little too

Song – Pump It by the Black Eyed Peas

Why – By now I am ready to pick up my pace and get up my first hill.  Who’s up for some Monkey Business? Get it?  If not look the song up…..

Song – I Got A Felling by the Black Eyed Peas

Why – I got a felling that those hills just killed my legs…..time for the down hill!!!!!

Song – Tainted Love by Marilyn Manson

Why – I need reminded of why I run.  We all need to runaway sometimes.

Song – Just Dance by Lady Gaga and someone I’ve never heard of

Why- Don’t Judge me!  I like this song plus it’s hill time again!  Can you visualize me doing a cha cha or something like that to this song going up a hill?

Song – Blue Monday by Orgy

Why – It’s nice and fast for the down hill!  Plus their name is Orgy (snicker…)  Tell me how does it fell to treat me like you do…..

Song – Somebody I Used To Know by Gotye

Why – It’s a catchy tune!  Unfortunately for those houses I run by they hear me sing it….She didn’t have to cut me off!

Song – Imma Be by the Blacked Eyed Peas

Why – Hill time again.  That and I use the song to trick my brain into thinking about the movie ” The Other Guys” while getting through the pain of these damn hills.  Also…Imma be Imma be Imma be writin all over Jamie’s blog!

Song – Pumped Up Kicks by Foster the People

Why – Down hill time…..and all the other kids with the pumped up kicks ya better run better run faster than my bullet….run run run

Song – Galvanized by The Chemical Brothers

Why – It’s one of the last songs of the day.  It reminds me to leave it all on the road!

Song – Du Hast by Rammstein

Why – I need a little angry music to get me to the end…..You have asked me and I’ve said nothing! (Just a little translation for you non German speakers)

Song – We Are Young by Fun.

Why – I’m at the end and cooling down!  Tonight we are young….. So who’s gonna carry me home?

So there you have it…..a good 6 miles of music with warm up and cool down.

Who wants to go for a run?

The Blogamabobber Weight Loss Challenge Update

Good Saturday Morning Everyone!

It’s that time to show the toesies on the scale to prove I am the best in this competition.  Well, at least the best from this blog anyway.

Here’s my weigh-in:

This time I’m holding a box of donuts!

As you can tell I’m a little shaky from all the sugar in the donuts.  YIKES!!!!

I did post a video earlier in the week saying that I was 2 whole pounds lighter……and I was!  But last night I had softball and well, my team sucks and I got a little depressed cause we blew a 9 run lead and lost.  So when I got home I binged on some junk. 😦

This is what happens when I get chocolate wasted!!!

It’s a bit blurry, I know!  The photographer is a bit unsteady themselves.  That and I’m like a humming bird.  I’m so quick in my movements it’s hard to catch me standing still, even while asleep.  I’m not proud of my binge but it happens to the best of us.  Look what happened to me.  I woke up with two hairy hookers in my bed!  And one seems to be a neutered male!!!

Well folks, I need to head to work and earn some bacon.

I promise better results for next week!

Thanks for cheering me on!!!!!!

The Toughest Lift Of All Is Your Ass off of the Couch

Good Monday Morning to you all!

Today is the day that I begin a new journey.  I am not only taking on training for a duathlon, a half marathon and a very new diet, I am taking on a challenge from fellow bloggymabobber The Life of Jamie.  The details of the challenge are in my previous post It’s On Like Donkey Kong.

So, today is our weigh in.

Pay no attention to the body fat %. It’s all baby fat and I’m holding a cake…..

I already make this shirt look good! But imagine what I’m gonna look like in a month in a half!

Pay no attention to the hair on my legs in the weight pic.  And the look on my face in the second pic is my, “OMG what am I doing up so early” face.   I only wear 2XL shirts so I found and wore an old XL shirt to let you see more contors of my bod.

Along with the weigh-in I decided to offer up some measurements so you can follow along with my progress and make this an all inclusive adventure for everyone.

  Right Left
Bicep 16 15 3/4
Quad 25 25
Calf 17 16 1/2
Neck 16 1/2
Chest 47
Waist 40

Oh!  And don’t forget you can follow along with some live video of my experiences through my Tumblr blog here.

Once again I wish my competitor, Jamie @ The Life of Jamie, the best of luck.  May we both benefit from this adventure!

And may the best MAN win…. 🙂

It’s On Like Donkey Kong!

We here at Big Mike’s World love us a challenge.  In fact we don’t really turn one down.  It’s like calling Marty McFly a chicken or yellow.  Our friend over at the The Life of Jamie threw down the gauntlet and unfortunately for her, it broke into many pieces and she can’t pick it up and take back her challenge.

The challenge is to see who will lose the most percentage of body weight by 31 July of this year (I hope that is what she meant…).  Little did our friend Jamie know that I am a mad scientist as well.  My laboratory and I have been researching the magic weight loss pill that doesn’t require any exercise whatsoever!

Oh!  You want the secret of my weight loss pill, do ya?  OK!  It’s just a sugar pill with a tapeworm egg in it.  Yeah!  That’s right, a tape worm!

Freddie and I, yeah I named my tapeworm Freddie, will not lose this battle of weight loss.  Poor Jamie, she really has no clue what hit her yet.

So here is the full challenge:

We have until 31 July to see who loses the most percentage of weight.  We will be taking progress pictures and posting them on Saturdays.  My pictures will be more of a psych-out pose.  I will probably be holding an extra large pizza with all the toppings.  Just to try and mess with Jamie mentally in hopes she falls off course (I don’t like to lose).

The winner will gain control over the other’s blog for a week!  Or we can do a monetary wager…..

What do you all think?

Oh and she suggests a shirtless pics of me too….I think you guys just want to see how hairy I really am!!  I’m not so sure of the shirtless pic though.  Sasquatch might need to stay in hiding.  You never know who might show up at my door.  I may do one at the very end when I have time to sharpen the hedge clippers and do some manscaping!

I will however be doing body tapeage…..I like to see where I lose and where I gain.  So you will be privy to all my measurements as well.

Tomorrow morning will be pre challenge feet on scale weight shot.

Stay tuned as I open up a can of whoop-ass!  Sorry Jamie but I’m gonna go all out Honey Badger on this challenge…….

Been Gettin Any……….Exercise?

Howdy my blog-o-thingy friends!  How has Wednesday treated you?

If you have been following me on my Tumblr Bloggy Thingamabob you have been kept up to date on how my last two days off have gone.  If you have not, you just made me cry a little inside.  Do you feel bad?  Good!  Now go check it out!

Wait!  Not yet….finish reading this first.  Geez, you’re in such a hurry to leave me.

OK, so here is the deal.  I will give you a pass on missing my Tumbler blogs (I’m still crying if you care).  But you have to start checking them out.

Anyway, I will fill you in with what I have been doing. 

Here is the short story:

2 days off = Exercise Exercise Exercise and more Exercise with some really super healthy eating.

Now for the in-depth version..

Tuesday

The Plan: Run 5 miles then as fast as possible transition to cycling 50 miles.

What happened: Ran 6 miles and had a slow transition to cycling 40 miles.

Wednesday

The Plan: Run 6 miles then as fast as possible transition to cycling 50 miles

What Happened: Ran 6 miles and had a super slow transition to cycling 36 miles.

Food was the same for both days.  Here is what I ate:

A big thanks to Stephanie at My Glorified Journal for my breakfast recipe of Scrambled egg whites, Steamed green beans, and sweet potato with some red pepper.  Shhhh, don’t tell anyone about it….it’s her secret figure competition recipe!  But holy crap it was good!

Lunch was a whole wheat bow tie pasta with asparagus, carrots, spinach, tomatoes, garlic and a lot of hot sauce.  And of course my protein shake….. (there’s a picture on Tumblr)

Remember? Like this but different!

Dinner was my famous stuffed peppers with shredded chicken and salsa.  If you like super hot food use the Hunky Hot peppers, if not, then use your favorite color bell pepper. (there’s a picture on Tumblr……somewhere)

 

I finished off with some desert.  I had some fresh pineapple, a peach and a few hand fulls of shelled peanuts.  I’ll share a trick with ya.  If you get the peanuts in shells it takes you longer to eat them and allows your body to realize its consuming something, plus they’re cheaper to buy. Therefore, allowing you to eat less!  All finished off with another protein shake….

So I didn’t go all low carb on this episode of super healthy days but I did burn a few gazillion calories….and I stayed away from foods like…

Who needs drama like this anyway?

So Mike, why didn’t you meet your planned goals?  Good question!  Well, ya see, ummm…remember my post My Poor Body?    Yeah?  Well, my neck started to do it’s “I’m gonna F#<% with your life” thing again.  I’m learning to deal with most of the pain but it sure does SUCK!  The position my bike puts my body in is not very neck pain friendly.  So I did what I could without being a total….

Well, back to work tomorrow……

Thanks for stopping by!

Public Enemy #1

Happy Monday Everyone!

My weekend blew…I hope yours was better.  I lost my mental focus during work and made a booboo.  It wasn’t a horrible mistake like calling a customer a Dill-hole or something.  But rather a mistake that someone that went through my line gained some extra cash from my drawer and said nothing about it.  So now I’m Public Enemy #1 at work.

It’s my bad and I own the mistake but I was pissed and lost all focus and motivation to workout like usual the past 3 days.  On top of the mistake I now have to go through the ritual of being red ball gagged, tied up and bent over a splintered wood table while being beaten with a wet reed.  Well, maybe not all that but I do get to be embarrassed in front of my coworkers by having my drawer counted to ensure I am not a kleptomaniac.  This will happen for the next 2 weeks.  So if someone didn’t know about it, there will be a chance they will see it happen and know then.

Since my job is so not mentally satisfying, I am trying to keep stats on my work output.  I know….what a nerd.  But when all you do is scan things, count money, ask people if they want paper or plastic, and read the trash mags…..one needs to fill in the void with some type of mental exercise.  Since last week I found that the registers keep some simple stats on each cashier.  I was excited to hear this.  It saves me from trying to figure it all out on paper.  So up to today I have a 36 item per min scan speed, an average of .7o min customer checkout time and I have about 33 customers an hour.  I know, I know but those numbers don’t add up.  They are all averages from all the days that I have worked.  So what does it all mean?  Well, compared to other people’s stat averages – 24 items, 1.45 min, and 22 customers….I blow them all out of the water.  So why the persecution for having 1 mistake (and never being a penny over or under before)?  It’s their rules….

Ehhh, whatever!

So now you’re caught up with my pathetic work life…..here is what is going on with my workouts!

Nothing!  I just told you…didn’t you listen!

Prior to my weekend snafu, I was doing well with my training.  Training for what?  Well, that is still up for debate.  I plan on doing some organized runs at some point.  I really want to do a 1/2 marathon soon but I may wait till Oct for the St. Louis one.  It’s right down the street from me and I get to ride the metro for free….no need to try and drive while my legs won’t work.

I am more excited that I’m back on my bike again.  I love riding!  Let me restate that….I LOVE RIDING!  And now I’m starting to run then ride in the same day, which means I may be looking at a potential bike/run race to do (I would look at a short Tri but I would drown…I don’t swim).  But I have 2 bike races that I have my sights on already.  One is on base which should be fairly easy.  Then there is a Tour de’ Donut race where you get time bonuses for consuming donuts during the ride.  Not sure that is ideal for a race but it sounds fun!  Anything with donuts sounds fun!

Anyone have any cool races happening near them?  I have shoes and or bike, whichever one applies, and willing to travel!

Well, it’s raining right now with a temp of 89 degrees out and I still need to get a few more running miles in before the day ends.  I better go before it gets super dark out and I can’t see the dogs stalking me.

Here’s to not being a snausage tonight!