A Little Addition To The Commissary Diaries

OK, so I can’t sleep.  What else is there to do but share a little something else from work.  There is a little segment I would like to add to The Commissary Diaries called:

No Eye for The Straight Guy.

During my lunch breaks I sit outside and people watch as I eat my sandwich.  I see a lot and I mean a lot of people who need fashion help.  But I’m just gonna pick on the men I see.  Only because I know nothing about women’s fashion.

Now I’m not claiming to be some fashion mogul or anything like that.  I’m the farthest thing from it.  But I have learned from past mistakes.  For example: in high school I had long hair….along the lines of a mullet.  I was Joe Dirt before it was a movie.  Although I had more facial hair.  Anyway, for some reason I wanted my straight hair to be curly.  I was tired of being bland.  Being the poor kid in school wasn’t ruining my cool status enough.  Why not get a perm?!?  You know, something that every teen decides to do on a whim.  OK, so you see where I’m coming from.  Mistakes have been made and lessons have been learned.

Let me start this new subsegment off with something else that I have done and learned not to do.

Tucking in your Polo shirt.  Unless you’re wearing it with dress pants or you’re playing in the PGA or even doing a photo shoot for Abercrombie and Fitch, just don’t do it.  It’s not cool and it almost always proves you’re a douche.  You might as well finish it off with a collar pop…

Only old people and those with OCD tuck everything in.  Kind of like my old college roommate who tucked his t-shirt into his underwear before he went to bed.  I’m still creeped out by that!

Why do I bring this up?  Well, I work with a guy that does this.  No, not into his underwear.  Well, maybe but I wouldn’t know.  We’re not that kind of friends.  He is a great guy but I just can’t get over his tucked in Polo shirts.  He wears jeans and we are in a casual work environment.  So no tuck is in order.  He’s also at that age where body parts are becoming elongated and distorted.  There are just no clothes made for someone who has that in between body type.  He is slim but his butt is creeping up higher on his back and his hips seem to just not fit his body any more.  So tucking in the shirt does him no justice.

Here is my last no-no for the day.  Guys, if you don’t live in Europe, don’t wear these!  Especially if you are supposed to be taken seriously like this other guy at work……he tucks his polo shirt in too!

Excuse me sir…..is this your man purse?

I don’t care how hot you think you are, there is nothing sexy about a man’s lower shin.  Except for mine of course.  I mean seriously, where’s the flood?  Did you not know the 24 inch length pants would be too short?  I don’t get it which means you shouldn’t buy it.  If you own a pair of these, do yourself a favor and cut them off at the knees and let the strings hang.  At least you could say you’re hanging onto the 80’s or something.

Until next time…..comb your hair, brush your teeth and look in the mirror before you leave the house cause I’ll be watching for you!


2 thoughts on “A Little Addition To The Commissary Diaries

  1. Hahahah I’m actually led to believe that tucking in and wearing those pedal pushers 3/4 pants are quite fashionable… but I can’t bring myself to do it. I just can’t hahaha!

  2. Dude, Don’t get me started about guys wearing effeminate capri pants … My wife (to get me fired up when we go out in public) will set the over/under of d-bags wearing these pants. Just to push my buttons! Of course I take the over!

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