Don’t Worry, It Comes With Instructions (Part 2)


So at the end of Part 1 I left you just after I got my IV.  And I had received some great comments about that experience.  I told The Life of Jamie a joke that I told the IV lady, which may have caused her first missed stick.  And little did I know how relevant that joke was going to be for the next hour or so of my life.

Here’s The Joke:

A guy walks in to a psychiatrist’s office covered only in Saran Wrap.

He says to the doctor, “I’ve felt so weird lately, Doc, can you tell me what’s wrong?”

The doctor replied, “Well, I can clearly see your nuts!”

Insert Your Laugh Here….

It was now time to head back to the procedure room and get NAKED!  Hell yeah!  Nothing can go wrong when your naked…..(Isn’t that right, Chrystalyn from The Future of Hope?)  This is where I realized two different phenomena at the same time.

1) The more of your naked body that has to be on the table, the colder the table is.

2) When you are naked in front of other people (meaning not just yourself and significant other) there are different levels of embarrassment.  This I think should be investigated further, and I did……

Since this was the second time doing this procedure with this same doctor and crew, I figured it was a good time for a human behavior experiment.  Not that I had a choice.  I was stuck on a table with people around me (all women).  I just figured I might as well watch people instead of trying to avoid looking at what was being done to my leg.

So here I am behind a curtain getting undressed and listening to the one lady give me instructions to get naked and hop on the table.  I was like, OK.  Then she said there should be a paper cover on the table to cover myself with.  I saw this Kleenex type thing on the table, was that it?  That’s not gonna hide anything.  Then I looked further down the table and there was this rough, scratchy paper thing folded up.  If that’s not it, too bad cause that’s what I’m using.  Besides being like a cheap piece of toilet paper from a public bathroom, it was also fairly see through too.  I guess it was a good thing I shaved my legs.  How embarrassing would that have been, right?

Well, I’m laying there with the translucent saran wrap cover and all these women are coming in staring at me.  I was like OK, why are we all in here and why are you looking at me like that?  It turns out I didn’t realize how see through this paper shroud was.  I didn’t really care because my mind was on not puking since I was still woozy and sweaty from the IV incident.  So what if they can see my Tentacle of Love!  Enter Experiment….

So I was watching how each person looked at me and then I measured my embarrassment.  I used a 1-10 scale to measure my embarrassment if you are wondering.  The first lady that came in was the one yelling at me through the curtain.  She had to of been 60 something.  When she came in and looked she had this expression of hmm seen it, been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.  It didn’t seem like a big deal to her so I rated my embarrassment at a level 3 for her.

The next girl to come in was the prep nurse.  She was the youngest of them all, Mid 20-30 ish.  I think this was the most embarrassing because she was the one that got to scrub my leg with some disinfectant soapy stuff .  This required her to lift my leg up and down and do around the groin.  I had to switch my mind to things like cold water, Betty White, and blood (ugh) to keep from further embarrassment.  She was professional and all that but I know there was a bit of embarrassment on her end too which made my embarrassment more.  I rate her at a 9 not a 10 only because she was a professional.

Then there were two other girls to come in.  They were both 40-50 ish.  At this point I was like, OK so who is texting the other offices to take a field trip and come by?  It turns out the one was an equipment operator and the other must have been an assistant of some type but she kinda just stood around.  Their stares were a bit longer than the older lady.  I couldn’t help myself but look down at my cover to see if it was even still on.  But not that it mattered, stupid cheap medical paper.  I gave them a rating of 7 1/2 because there were two of them at once.

As you can see there were different reactions by the different aged women but there were also different internal thoughts of mine too.  I was definitely more embarrassed with the younger girl.  Then the old lady was kind of disappointing.  Almost like an ego buster.  She didn’t really care.  I was like but I’m right here….see!  The last couple of ladies were more interested but still didn’t make me fell like Fabio.

I guess my take away from this experiment is that women don’t look at me like filet mignon but more like beef jerky.

To be continued………

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7 thoughts on “Don’t Worry, It Comes With Instructions (Part 2)

  1. Pingback: Big Mike Does Wen Hair? | Big Mike's World

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