Does This Shirt Make Me Look Fat?

It is the night before I have my leg surgery and I wanted to get my exercise on.  But the wind has been a beast lately.  The route I run seems to be into the wind in all directions.  But whatever.  Yeah, so this is me before I went for a run today.  I always take bad pictures.  Not the actual taking of pictures but being in them.  I would have to say this is one of the few that my eyes aren’t close in.  But here I was trying to psych myself up for the windy run.

One day last week I asked my wife to take a picture of me before I went out on a run.  Just because I felt like a beast in what I was wearing and I wanted a good picture to either share or use to change my Facebook pic.  She didn’t even sit up from the couch to take the picture.  It was basically a picture up my nose.  So I trashed that one….don’t tell my wife!

I took a picture of myself during Christmas and wanted to print it out and send it to my wife while she was deployed.  But I’m so fat, it’s still printing!

But this picture has its flaws too.

1) I’m in it!

2) This was taken by me in our downstairs bathroom (how gay is that?)

3) I forgot to do the duck face

4) I look like a Weeble Wobble

5) I tried to look all hard but as you can tell, that was a fail!

6) Why are my nipples getting hard?

7) My head is not that shape usually (I blame the lighting)

8) This shirt makes me look fat (why do I look pregnant?)

9) The shirt is soo big on me it could be considered a moo moo (It’s only missing the flower pattern)

10) Whats that smell?

So with all that said, this is still one of my good pictures.  Horrible isn’t it?  The bad thing is I’m very picky in how I look when I dress.  Especially if I’m going to be seen by other people.  Wait!  Let me back up.  Cause my wife will want to put an asterisk in there.  I am only picky if it’s somewhere I want to go.  If it’s my wife’s choice she has to do a clothing inspection before we leave.  That usually includes a gig line adjustment (shirt buttons in line with pant fly) and matching socks.  I can be a big child sometimes.

Well, I’m sure I can go on and on here but it is getting late and I have an early appointment for my leg surgery.  My only reservation about tomorrow is that fact that what doctors do is called practice…..

I will probably not be posting for a few days so, I leave you till next time with a few words of wisdom:

Money – Borrow money from a pessimist, they don’t expect it back.

Life – If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.

Truth – Remember half the people you know are below average.

Health – I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Statistics – 39.4% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Until next time…………..


10 thoughts on “Does This Shirt Make Me Look Fat?

    • Thanks.

      You gotta tame the beast before you let it out of its cage.

      I caught my reflection in a spoon while I was eating my cereal, and I remember thinking “wow, you’re ridiculously good looking, maybe you could do that for a career.”

      I’m pretty sure there’s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.

  1. Were you a fat kid when you were younger? I was and we seem to have the same unneeded concerns of how we’re visually perceived. Nobody’s called me fat in around 7 years or so. I’m paranoid the day that it happens.

    • Yes, I was a big boy when I was younger. I can still remember the days of shopping in the Husky Clothing section. Even though I’m not that way now, I still won’t walk around with my shirt off or go swimming (but that is more because I will drown).

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