Stupid Characters


Alright, yes, this is another rant.  I think I need to create a Rant Category.  I am finding out I like to *itch about a lot of stuff and no one really listens to me in person.  But I need to get it out some way.  So you have become my lab rats.  Some of you can be fluffy little bunnies if you want.

Anyway, I have been the unknowing participant in the watching of stupid movie characters the past few consecutive movies I have watched.  Let me elaborate.  So you have all sorts of movies out there; thriller, horror, action, drama, romance, and stupid.  I unfortunately have been watching more of the last category.  Well not necessarily the move being stupid but movies with stupid characters.  What do I mean by stupid you ask?

Stupid is as stupid does, as Forest Gump says.  OK so my main complaint is with movies that have bad guys that chase people.  It doesn’t really matter who is chasing, could be the mass murderer or just some creepy person with a limp.  And they don’t even have to be chasing either.  The unknowing victim could be just sitting on their couch in their apartment eating a hotdog and the bad guy tries to break in.  Oh, it’s 2:30AM, I wonder who that could be?  Peephole, weird eye staring back, cue scream!  EEEEK!

Here is the flaw and where the stupid movie character comes in.  Damsel in distress makes it to door, fiddles with keys, drops keys, fiddles with keys again, drops keys again, magically picks right key, door opens, door slams shut just in time.  Quiet on the set!  Cue stupid bad guys!  Hey this door seems to be locked.  Let’s jiggle the door knob a few more times to make sure.  Ok, locked.  Damn it, we can’t get in.  I’ll be back (said in best Arnold voice).  I know, I know, this doesn’t always happen.  But doors don’t keep bad people out, they keep the good people out or in depending on the case.  These things are like magic force fields that only last long enough until your heart pounds just a little faster.

So today I streamed Limitless from Netflix and if you have not seen it:

SPOILER ALERT!

The movie reaches the foreshadowing scene from the beginning of the movie with the main character just chilling on his balcony ledge of his vaulted apartment with this huge steel door that has 1 foot thick bolts latching it to the wall.  Cue bad guys!  Bad guys begin to bang on said big metal door trying to get in.  Not working so well.  Whaaa?  They brought a fire rescue metal cutting saw to break in.  They seriously took the time to cut through the door to get in.  Seriously!  What happened to our imagination.  The door?  I guess there is this human connection with the need to enter buildings and rooms through a portal of some kind, like a door.  Come on people!  Everyone knows the walls are more vulnerable!  Drywall and wood are easier to go through than feet of metal.  Well, if not, they do now. 😉

END SPOILER ALERT!

Just once I would like to see reality in a movie or on TV.  And no, I don’t mean those stupid reality shows like, “Who Can Sing The Worst,” “I have No Talent Can I Haves Me Some Millions Now,” or even “I’ll Marry Him/Her As Long As They Are Loaded $$.”   I feel this way only because I know with my luck, if I were chased, the bad guy would just bust through the glass around the door instead of trying to go through the door.

This stupidity is not only limited to bad guys.  Oh no… good guys are vulnerable to the lack of intelligence and common sense too.  I will limit this section to the TV cop dramas.  The wife and I like our night time shows like Blue Bloods, NCIS, CSI, CSI NY, blah blah blah.  Well these shows are full of holes that must drive the real professionals crazy.  Seriously!  Why wouldn’t they?  They drive me crazy and I don’t do that stuff for a living.

So we were watching this episode of Blue Bloods (totally believable plot by the way, having an entire family so interconnected within the local legal and law enforcement system) and the son detective and his partner have a suspect in the back of their car.  The two cops are standing outside the car.  The suspect busts through the back seat window, jumps out of the car, then instantly gets hit by another car.  All while still being handcuffed.  I have never personally been in cuffs (back of a cop car, yes) but I am pretty sure in real life one of the two cops would have been able to get to the car, beat the crap out of the suspect and tied his feet to his ears.  All before he got out of his crouching tiger hidden monkey window kicking position.

OK! OK! I know what you’re saying to yourself.  But Mike, these are just movies and TV.  I get it.  I really do.  These shows are driven by the amount of drama they create.  And if it is done the way real life is, there is no action drama, just sadness.

Well that’s it.  I’m spent.  Rant over…….

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2 thoughts on “Stupid Characters

  1. These are still the less stupid characters… in my opinion, the really stupid characters that piss me off are the ones that are dumber than humanly possible. I’m talking about the ones in lame comedies who do really incredibly dumb things just to set up a slapstick joke that isn’t funny in the first place.

    It’s like the Dumb and Dumber guys, except even dumber, if that’s at all possible. Just watch a movie by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer and you’ll know what I mean. Or an episode of Mr Bean.

    Action movies require a suspension of belief to enjoy their over-the-top and improbable stunts, but these dumb movies require an even greater suspension of belief to accept that there are people THAT DUMB in the world. And it actually angers and offends me to a certain extent.

    Yikes!

  2. I would have to agree with you. Forced stupidity is no longer funny at my age. Maybe if I was still 6 or smoking some wacky weed. I guess I am lucky enough to never have watched a Bean show or movie for that matter. As much as it pains me to say, I no longer find The Three Stooges funny. I guess we have moved on from those simpler times and require new funny or action to keep our attention.

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